Marriage, Trueness Versus Newness

There is a saying that: If it is true, it is not new…If it is new, then it is not true.
In a healthy and successful marriage, this is a daily discovery that men and women come to realize without end.

That is the whole point of marriage is it not? The discovery phase of the relationship. Well at least it was in the beginning. Curiosity was at it’s height when we were dating and after getting serious enough to make that next step. Don’t get ahead of me!

As I look back on those of summer days and evenings of chasing butterflies and fireflies, life had it’s own deliberate purpose and I had come to the realization that I could not control it…nor did I want to control it…it was after all, perfect.

Certainly true in every sense of the word … and new enough to never want to let it go.

I speak of the marriage relationship in terms of knowing that moment in time when things simply could not have been any better. A time when you could easily shut out the rest of the meddling, dishonest, hurting world and be thankful for your life. A time when you did not have to explain every little item of your personal feelings about what you said or did…it was simply understood. Kind of like when a persons word was his bond. A handshake spoke volumes.

The newness of marriage stares life square in the face of reality and defies it to make a difference. I mean that you simply can not get or have a better outlook in a relationship than that of being married. It encompasses every nuance of the best there is that a relationship has to offer to the pleasant extreme and the daunting worst that mankind can inflict upon us.
That my friend is exactly why and when you discover the trueness of life upon finding the one special person that you want to run through fields chasing butterflies by day and fireflies by night with, you discover that nothing else really matters.

Marriage holds true the thoughts that love, money, trust, hope and security are all the blessings of good fortune that will forever entwine two people “til death us do part”.

Either that or her first home cooked meal because she had never cooked a meal before!
Ahhhh…the ties that bind us together.

If it is true, it is not new…If it is new, then it is not true.

Not quite the conundrum that some will have you believe what married life is all about. Respect and authority rules with an iron, firm, yet fair and just hand when two people come together to be as one. It is out of that dedication and love for one another that a successful marriage is birthed, raised and starts a long and winding road to forever together.

Very much like the 30 plus years that have kept me entertained thus far!

I have no doubt whatsoever that you will find and share this sentiment if you have not already. Whether trueness or newness, you will find your way to happiness and one day will pass on your thoughts, trials and tribulations as well as all the joys that you put in your bucket of life to claim as your rights to a successful marriage.

I applaud you.

A Friend in Business and Life…Always,

-Lon-

Dealing with guilt in a marriage

Deal with it! Really! Seriously!

Admit, acknowledge, and take full responsibility of your guilt.

Blame heredity, society, the flaw of nature, whatever or whomever you think you may need to…the bottom line is that you have to make that bold statement that will turn out to be your lifesaver…I am the one, it is my responsibility, I have no one else to blame.

Don’t try to soft peddle what you have done. The theme in your marriage at this point reads like an old bad western movie. It’s the good, the bad and the ugly syndrome that makes married life real and to the point. (Actually, that was a pretty good movie!) Now, if only you just ride the range and shoot your way through your problems, your marriage would be the success you want or need it to be.

Confess your acts and transgressions thru and to a higher power. And believe it or not…that IS NOT you.
Everyone needs help in some for or another an sometime in their life. It could be as simple as talking to another person. You may not see the sense in it and you may not even like the thought of it. But, the fact of the matter is that a successful marriage thrives on person to person contact. That may have to be strangers or at least someone  outside the immediate family. The old dis-interested third party if you will. A person  or persons that really do have your best interest at heart…not just because they feel sorry for you or just because they simply like you.

Acknowledge that you are wrong…have been wrong and have done wrong.
If need be admit, that you will be and do wrong again.
There more to that statement…you are only human…than you think. It’s a standard that describes the flaws of all of us in so many ways. The catch is that it is and certainly should not be used as a crutch to satisfy your feelings by rationalizing everything under the sun. The success in marriage comes without any extraordinary attachments like having to lie and cheat your way to happiness.

It’s not like you can just go down the local health food store and stocking up on Hysop to cleanse yourself from the inside out. There is no pill or magic potion that can fix you or your marriage. You must do it yourself. There’s no magic marker to blot out your guilt in marriage…nothing to otherwise color or paint married life as a success if you have secrets that make you hurt deep down inside.

Being a back slider to the joy in your marriage has consequences of it’s own. More guilt. Don’t let that get you down. In fact don’t even think about it. The best advice here is to stay as far away from your past as possible.

Focus on the future so that you never have to go through this again. It’s a very simple and very effective step to take in the war on your sanity. Far too many people in their married lives live daily in the their past. Just re-living the guilt over and over again like some sort of twisted scene from the movie Groundhog Day.

No matter what you have done…no matter how bad you think it is, there is nothing … nothing … that cannot be forgiven.

A Fiend in Business and Life…Always,

-Lon-

Married Life, Lightening And Thunder, The Mother Of All Storms

Just like any and most storms on the horizon of life, married life is a given.

Yes Siree Bob…the sunny days of a healthy and happy relationship can give way to the thunder and lightening of up drafts and down drafts that can one minute hide the sparks of matrimony and in the next, open the very same floodgates of varying emotions.

Like lightening and thunder: you can see when it is coming…and…you feel it when it when you don’t.

The weather patterns of day to day living are pretty much the same as that of a successful or not so successful marriage. You see when you compare the two, the periods of whatever activity is happening in your life can be matched to the unintended conditions of your environment. Take for example when it’s raining, you are probably no doubt in somewhat of a wet or at least a damp mood. Whereas, weather wise, if the sun is shinning, you are probably kicking up your heels with joy and exclamation.

Marriage tends to run the gamut of emotions and weather related patterns in our lives and we can chart the ebb and flow just like the monthly paycheck and carrying a rain coat. It’s not that unpredictable when it comes to how, when and where our emotions get the best of us. Good days – feeling good. Dark and cloudy days – feeling not so good.

So what is the answer you ask. Pack up and move to Hawaii?
You know as well as I do…that just is not going to happen (at least anytime soon…but I am working on it!)

But just like the thunder and lightening in our daily lives, our married lives can come equipped with certain protections that can make our day. If we have good (sunny) days, we tend to uncover, release a wealth of happiness to all around us. If we tend to get depressed by dark (cloudy/stormy) days, we want our significant other to know that we are hurting and need their comfort. We want to see when the bad stuff is coming and not have to feel it when we don’t see it coming.

What is a marriage, and especially a successful marriage, can best be described as the Mother of all storms!

No No No….it is not fighting or arguing or any of that silly goofy disagreeing stuff…married life runs the range of emotional weather patterns that best defines the make up of your success in health, wealth and happiness.

Just remember guys: “Happy Wife…Happy Life”.

Now all I need is a good weather analogy for women towards men. Hmmmmm….
I’ll let you ponder that one for yourself. Let me know what you come up with. As they say, good luck with that!

You will no doubt make it as a success in your marriage as long as you don’t go running down the fairway of love and romance carrying a long shiny pointy metal thing that will surely attract the lightening of your spouse. And by the way…posturing with rumbles of thunder as you try to get your way will get you nowhere quick too!

Just like the weather, thunder and lightening, good and/or bad, marriage is a compromise…and the best umbrella you have for a rainy day or your favorite hat to shade you on a hot sunny day … is the person you committed to for better or worse, for richer or poorer…hum along if you know the words.

A Friend in Business and Life, Always,

-Lon-

Marriage, Married Life And The Mother Of All Apologies

What is right with the world? Well that seems to be the problem!
Let’s just back up a few years in this 30 plus year saga.
Marriage and married life is not a problem. The issue these days seems to be how it is being done. Apology accepted.

When I started this writing it was with the intent that I was going to apologize to my spouse as publicly as possible. There is absolutely nothing wrong with marriage, married life or mothers in general!

But if I had to make an apology (and I gladly do) to anyone, it would indeed be to my spouse for all the hours, days, weeks, months and years of not understanding her.
Let me clarify that just a little further.
More times than not, I have said that I hear and understand those feelings, conversations, ideas and not only what was being said, but actually what was meant in the delivery.
Well I did not. To put it mildly, I failed miserably!

We as male beings tend to end conversations we do not want to have by sometimes agreeing to and not really listening to and most certainly not understanding the why of what was said. Well…no more…

I hereby proclaim by all that is right on her behalf that I now do understand and offer to apologize on my behalf for not listening and understanding wholeheartedly.

If you are looking for specifics here…don’t.
First and foremost, there would be a guh-zillion. Not only would it not be fair to list any of those specifics, as you no doubt know, the most probable and damaging one’s would be left off the list …and we all know what that would lead to! No arguments here.

To be totally fair and honest though, at this particular point in time it would be best and a heck of a lot safer to start with day one of the courtship and pen every moment to paper all those atrocities of love and romance and simply call it the encyclopedia of the mother of all apologies…volume one.

A successful marriage is the epitome of understanding no matter the cause or course of he said she said. This is where your poor wretched and tortured soul begins to comprehend the effects of just how idiotic can one person be towards another.
No amount of apologizing can ever make up for the inconsiderate behaviors you have displayed during the course of the long term relationship.
After all, she is the one sustained and endured all my misgivings all these years.

The mother all apologies is just the beginning of this heartfelt process and I can only earnestly hope that she accepts it with the grace and dignity that I have come to know that she as a person has for me.

Nothing ventured…nothing gained.
I said I do then … and I meant it.
As married men, we have been saying I do ever since.
That makes the above statement now to read…Everything ventured…everything gained.

A Friend in Business and Life… Always,

-Lon-

Your Greatest Weakness Is Your Unguarded Strength

The success of a marriage depends on a great many sacrifices to be made on behalf of both parties involved. Some would even consider that it be a 50/50 equal proposition.

If you have been married for any length of time you know as well as the most educated of wise men that equality not only has nothing to do with a successful marriage as much as the fact that there is and always will be one in the union that bears the greatest weakness while the other shares an unguarded strength.

Married life was and is supposed to be one of the greatest selfless wonders of the world. The perfect harmony of a man and a woman to carry out the life long challenges of love and happiness have been written high in the stars and and as low as grains of sand on the beaches of the world for thousands of years, and yet it is not always a true conviction that it lasts.

Not even the smooth silky notes of the likes of an Al Green or a Barrack Obama singing “I’m so in love with you” could ever win over the many facets of such love as it has been intended.

A successful marriage comes about in the throes of man’s humanity to his fellow beings. Passion and compassion speaks volumes when people get involved with one another for the sake of that long sought after equality in a marriage.

Truth be told, it is indeed that the time that two people are forced to spend with one another is what brings out the worst in us just to get to the best in each other. 

Once the relationship becomes somewhat stable, all the other outside influences begin to take their toll on the maturity level of a man and a woman such that it will become the standard that defines their character towards one another. The overall relationship of trust becomes the underlying venue to for a long and lasting time together.

Love, marriage and finances become the measure by which love birds like me and mine hold each other accountable.
Words, money, people and things can become among the greatest detractors in a successful marriage (or any relationship) and can led to the loss of respect and honor between a man and a woman.

Words hurt and cannot be taken back once said.
Money has been the ruin of many a good man. Even the most sincere and caring people can confuse the issues surrounding their life and not meaning to, but do, add to their woes.
Things and possession, including other people, become your greatest weakness taking away from your unguarded strength.

You were not meant to be weak in your marriage and your married life. You were not meant to go through your life with you strength of character being left unguarded, to be attacked when you would least expect it.

Your are a person of principle and your principles matter in your marriage. Stay the course of your convictions and above all…be happy in all that you do.

A successful marriage depends on you because you depend on the success of your partner in life.

A friend in Business and Life, Always,

-Lon-

Paper Planes And Boats And Trains…

Paper planes and boats and trains … these are a few of my favorite things.
In an economy long past, these were the things that our dreams were made of.
They were the things that were to define our futures.
Very early in our marriage, these things were not even on the menu of life as we knew it. They were merely ideas of a romantic time in our history like so many others that we came to try to live by.

In a successful marriage, there has to be plans. Plans are the foundations upon which we not only build our hopes and dreams, but also the platform from which we launch those very dreams, hopes, wants and desires of life.
Married life represented (at that time) a stability that was captured in movies, TV and song. It was truly a great time to be a dreamer. But you and I know all to well that dreams don’t pay the bills!

Marriage, finances and money represents a totally different story in our world of reality today.
If you are fortunate enough to come up with a model paper plane, boat or train … you could very well possibly corner the market on new toys for children or great escapes for adults. In our new age of electronics it seems that everything that is new is really old…or at least based on an old idea.

The new fangled super heroes of the computer and internet age were born many years ago in the fertile minds of dreamers who lay in grassy fields staring up at clouds and wondering what the brave new world would become one day.
As in marriage and married life, there come an awakening that in order to carry out our innermost dreams, we have to first and foremost have a dream.

So much of our existence today is made up of literally living from paycheck to paycheck.
Life happens. And before you know it, you are caught in the ongoing seemingly never ending exhaustive strata of just making it from day to day. For a lot of people there is no time for dreaming of paper planes and boats and trains and other things. They simply have lost the will to dream or even worse have had the will forced or taken from them.

That is by no means a reason to give up hope. When we got married we had as much of the highest of ideas for a future of safety and comfort as any of you may have had or continue to have. It is just a matter of setting priorities.
I did not say it would be easy.
I am saying that all is not lost. It is just a matter of deciding what you really want out of your marriage.

If paper planes and boats and trains are in your future…you should be doing all you can to see that that happens for you and your spouse.
You started with a dream, why not finish the race with your prize clearly envisioned as having been won already. You deserve that much.

I have faith in you. You do have a song to sing…and the world needs to hear it!

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,

-Lon-

Are You Lacking Color In Your Life

I recently read in a comic strip from the newspaper where the cartoon character made a statement by asking a question…I am supposed to wear something green to school today, but the only blouses I have are apple, emerald and avocado.

Now that is a statement that defies all reason when it comes to not being able to see what’s right in front of you when it comes to the color in your life.

It was sorta like that in the early years of marriage when we were trying to decipher the realities of what marriage was all about. I mean, there were all of those objects that made up marriage floating around, decisions…choices to make. Things like love, affection, trust, security…all the things that were supposed to guarantee the happiness in your future life together.

Man…you were pretty quick to jump on that statement!

I know what you were thinking as soon as you read that. And yes, you are right.

There are no guarantees in life and at that time there were certainly no guarantees in marriage making my life any better than it already was. (with possibly the exception that it was definitely not going to make it any worse.)

If you have not discovered that there are colors of married life, you most assuredly do have something to look forward to. We all have certain colors that makes up our very being:

Reds that can exhibit anger and rage.

Blues for our many feelings and mood swings.

Yellows that should represents your sunshine.

White for the things we tend to think of as neutral, peaceful or that we surrender to…

See. You are not lacking color in your life. There is a myriad of colors to choose from. Pick a color any color, and invariably you can come up with something that defines you and your situation in a marriage.
In our opening sentence, green could very well relate to not just your clothing choices, but could be representative of the finances in your marriage and your life.

Join me right here from time to time and read about how we handle that subject if that is the situation your find yourself … and especially if you are not very content at being in that place.

There are those that see green in another light. Envy.
It is only natural in our human existence that we sometimes tend to want more, but there are those that go a lot deeper and to the far extremes of turning that green envy into more than just “…keeping up with the Joneses.”

Green, when it comes to money and finances in the marriage, can be a very somber color and somewhat lacking when you do not have enough of it to do the things you want (or think you want) to do. That old green eyed monster of jealousy can stare you down and have you seeing red before you know it.

My advice to you is to step back …and take a real good look at the actual colors in your life.
The words plethora and rainbow should be at the forefront of your thoughts as you live your married life.

There is a virtual and unending spectrum with an endless loop of colors from which to choose in defining your life and your marriage…see them all and choose wisely…take the time to enjoy life’s rainbow as it is intended to be seen.

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,

-Lon-

You want a piece of me! … Get in line!

You want a piece of me is a generic statement about attitude.In today’s lifestyle and economy, that statement comes with a pretty strong price tag attached to it. The market for smiles and deals has never been brighter with all the technology we have abounding around us. When it comes to a marriage and handling the ins and outs of attitudes, you had better work at being tech savvy just a little harder.

So if you want a piece of me…get in line.

It is not as bad as …”I owe I owe… so it’s off to work I go…” but then again there’s not a whole lot of singing going on to begin with.

Getting in on the action or getting a piece of what makes you happy can at times make for some strange and funny moods in people…especially married folks.

When me and my lovely decided to make a go of it, technology was not the issue. It was a matter of simply keeping it simple, one on one as it were.
Well that was fine in the beginning and things were trucking along pretty good and then came the point in time when you had to have seventeen forms of ID to prove who you were just to get in line to buy something with money you did not have to impress people you do not know.

Oh the vanity of it all. So you want a piece of me.
Everybody wants a piece of me. Heck, I would like to have a piece of me.
Sometimes I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
I try to maintain a positive attitude about the whole thing, but a marriage has responsibilities and a whole bunch of right and wrong things that happen in no particular order that can make a mess in your life.

You can’t always pick and choose what you want to do or how you would like things to turn out in your marriage especially the area of finances. The old adage of go to school…get a good education…get a good job and the rest will fall into place can cause anyone to have a different outlook on life and attitudes today.

Getting a piece of someone (or giving up pieces of yourself for whatever cause) can be done in a very positive manner with a full range of rewards to be gotten from that action. In the world of married life, it has been 30 plus years of give and take!
When you can stand face to face with your spouse and make the bold statement of …you want a piece of me…and not mean it in a threatening or offensive way…it’s pretty safe to say that you’ve got a pretty good handle on the attitude part of your marriage.

Standing toe to toe with the love of your life and saying you want a piece of me can only bring a smile to both your faces … and that is the attitude that you are going for.

Be it in your marriage, your finances or your life in general, you just might want to stand in front of that bathroom mirror, stick out your chest and proclaim to all within earshot…you want a piece of me!…get in line!

There is a lot of you to give and that is the attitude you should be walking through this life with…so go ahead, give the world a piece of you.

After all, you already make it a better place by just being in it!

-Lon-

Minutiae, Mired In The Moment

Just checking out the newspaper today and reading for fun, my horoscope which read: Usually in order to let something grow, you have to let it go. Minutiae, from the word minutia…just rolls off the tongue doesn’t it.

It went on to state that this is very true of a relationship now days. Especially when you do everything as a couple together and are staying mired in the minutiae of life certainly can have a stifling effect on that relationship and that you need to indeed give it some space.

Talk about being giddy. I don’t know if it’s from the word minutia, or from my long standing relationship with my spousal unit. Both can make the hairs stand up on the back of my neck when those exact little things do crop up in a conversation in your married life.

The small, the tiny, the things that most of us do not want to discuss or deal with is what makes minutiae happen when it comes to marriage and especially in marriage and finances. Just when you think you have a handle on stuff, lo and behold there’s a big puddle of minutia just waiting for my big fat feet to step into. Of course it has to take turns with me getting my feet out of my mouth a lot of the time!

But…I digress….

Oh yeah. Minutia…the little things that may or may not mean a lot to your relationship.

However in marriage, finances are never small and dull items. In fact it is very much one of those things that can divide and conquer in a relationship. So watch yourself. Be ever mindful of the things that aren’t often said as much as the ones that are barked in anger. Words can and do hurt when you least expect it.

So, letting things grow in your relationship takes a minutia of toil and trouble and if you do it with double double the effort (double double toil and trouble…yep the witches brew…), you could end up with some very exciting bubbles in your marriage. Like a positive cash flow when your business takes off and you realize that this is going to be the best thing to happen to you since you got married.

You don’t spend a lot of time (I hope) living your life by your horoscope when you could actually be out there living you life. Horoscopes are fun and I do get a chuckle from them from time to time like the one that started this blog post…minutia or minutiae…muh-new-shuh.

It’s a little thing I know, but hey…married life is no small feat (feet)! Get moving. You have things to do, places to go and people to see. That’s my horoscope for you.

Remember the promises you (and I) made to your lovely when you got married and how your life was going to be different from everyone you knew. You were going to set the world on it’s ear. It’s not too late…don’t get mired in the minutiae of life.

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,
-Lon-

Your Outlook Determines Your Outcome

You can probably relate more to the statement that your attitude determines your altitude. The more positive that you are, the higher you will propel yourself towards whatever goal that you are aspiring to attain. Therefore, it is quite simple to say that your outlook determines your outcome in life, business, marriage and finances.

Are you a positive person? I guess it really depends on what it is that you have to or need to be positive about right. Getting up in the morning to go to work and deal with a public or office personnel or even your boss can take some of that positivity right out of you before you even get started on the day. You may be one of the lucky few who have a job that you really like and those things don’t bother you and you look forward to being the effervescent positive person that you think you are.

Yep. I said it. It’s hammer time! (not really…that song just happens to e playing on the radio as I was writing this) But, getting back to reality…

Are you really that positive in your outlook? I only ask because if you are like most of us…it is all in your mind…it is all in your head.

Just like everything else that is based onyour outcome in life, our attitudes do determine our outlook on things. In marriage and finances for example, to have more seemingly is the glue that holds that union together.

That is great if in fact it is a unified action. Most often however, that is not the case. Usually there is an over-spender that leads to the other person having to be the under-spender, and you can imagine where that puts their attitude about life. And so the saga of married life begins a new chapter.

So if all that matters is truly in your mind and all those popular sayings come to fruition, then surely you can do and be all things that you conjure up in your head. Simply put…if you want to be healthy, eat right and exercise…if you want to learn a foreign language, make some foreign friends and live as they do…if you want to have a successful marriage, talk share and beware of your spouse! Not just that they exist (and most certainly not that they are here to serve you) but that they are a part of you. They are the outlook that determines your outcome. They are the attitude that defines your destiny.

Quite honestly though, if you have a hearty healthy attitude (whether it is in your mind or not) about your life your marriage or even your finances, you are in all probability much much better off than anyone who frowns all the time and scorns life instead of living it to the fullest. So I say feel what is in your heart and listen to your head and let your outlook determine your outcome. You just might like the person in your head that you picture yourself to be.

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,
-Lon-