Unhappy Marriage Tips

 How To Be A Great Husband

Just being romantic has to mean a variety of things to each and every person, but as you and I both know, romance involves doing that little extra to express affection in a meaningful and sometimes unexpected way. Unfortunately, a lot cannot be done the way you want because of money and finances. We know that the true act of romance requires creativity and above all sincerity, which is often inspired by love.

One of the better ways is to treat your wife like you are single…, remember when you were trying to earn her affection and trust. And we all know that the opposite of being romanced can and will backfire when it presented as some kind love sick game and gets taken for granted. No one wants to feel like they have already been trapped…because quicker than you can blink…it’s over and done with.

In a marriage relationship, communication is the best policy. Having your finances in order can be a great help with that. It can at times be difficult, but the simple truth allows relationships to breathe. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which in itself means that the other person will invariably end up giving you the same respect. When communicating with your lovely, believe me, they will be the first to let you know if something does not suit them and if it does not feel right or good… they will not trust you or your opinion in love, marriage, romance or money.

Listen cowboy, let’s not get ahead of the horse here. While you are dreaming up ways to win her affections…make sure not to talk her ear off, … but do make sure that if you have any problems that could possibly affect her mood, she is made aware of the reasons for those concerns, so that you do not appear to merely be a lone ranger from the third realm of zork.

Make her the center of everything around you when you’re talking to her. If you ask her a question, ask because you really want to know the answer. And above all, please….pay attention to that answer. You would be surprised how far that little gesture will carry you up the mountain of love, affection and understanding.

In discussing opinions, try to “see” into her vision of her explanations and come away with a “why” that she feels or thinks the way she does. Even if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you were interested enough to even try.

Also, do not get off the horse (your trusty old steed of understanding relationships) too early either. Remember, the opposite of talking too much is…not waiting too long…and that is listening. Make sure you are really actually listening, not just waiting for your for turn to insert some interesting little quip that makes you look good. Make certain that you are earnest in your looks and actions because that tells her that she can tell you anything. Make her feel safe in being with you.

Great husbands make great men because those men honor their commitments, accept their duties, portray their loyalties and are accountable for any and all damages, debts and other problematic happenings they make along the way in the relationship.

Be a man and clean up after yourself and your finances (figuratively and literally). In sharing responsibility, both men and women know that anyone can father a child… but only a man who understands and accepts that responsibility can be a good father.
How to be a great husband means that you refuse to make anyone do anything they themselves are unwilling to do.

I’ll be back next time with another fun look at our marriage and relationships…in the meantime, stay safe and love lots!

-Lon-

A Little Sumpin’ Sumpin’ About A Good Marriage

Sumpin’ Sumpin’ and a good marriage, what’s that all about?

Well as you can see, I am fast losing the artful skills in penmanship (and obviously vocabulary) that my first grade teacher, Mrs. Jones tried to drum into my noggin’ X number of years ago!

“The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.”     Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Well as they say…in the vernacular…the shortened version of popular sayings has invaded our culture once again. So a something something turns out to be a double treat and a real good deal for a good marriage.

Sumpin’ Sumpin’ always implies a nod or a wink in good natured fun and let’s face it, good natured fun in our marriage has been the very existence of our togetherness. That special little bond that travels with knowing looks, glances and touches that makes for a good marriage.

The success of a good marriage depends quite heavily on the unspoken and sometimes the unseen. That of course brings about our favorite subject, ye ole trust factor.

Sumpin’ Sumpin’ refers to the little extra that you go as a partner, lover, mentor, counselor…even as financial advisor in a good marriage.

In our 30 plus years of joy and pain, we are constantly seeking out the lil’ sumpin’ sumpins’ in life and especially in marriage. Oh yeah…there’s a lot to give in the give and take of two people hanging in there to make it a very happy and wondrous life. Woo Hoo…Yes, Virginia, even like the movie. (Well it is coming up on that time of the year!)

As much as it applies to poking fun at or in jest in a courtship, flirting relationship in a marriage, the sumpin’ sumpin’ factor simply can’t be ignored when it comes to happiness in your marriage.

Go ahead and whisper in his or her ear and see if you don’t get that little quirky smile that started this whole mess now what seems like so long ago. Go ahead, I double dawg dare you! Remember, you are looking for more ways to find out what makes a good marriage, right?!

They say the best things in life are free for the asking (although you have to wonder these days…but that too is another subject for another day). But certainly it is your choice to be happy and if a lil’ sumpin’ sumpin’ happens to come your way, It’s not just me telling you to go for it…that lil’ inner voice that has guided you thus far will not steer you wrong now.

Life is what you make it right…so a lil’ sumpin sumpin’ extra only makes it a better, good, great and successful married life.

To your health and happiness in all regards my friend….live well.

-Lon-

What Is A Marriage Number On The Combo Menu

If you were to walk into a fast food place and your marriage was rated next to the rib, chicken or burger deal of the day, what would be it’s number? Dine in or take out? Maybe we will discuss what kind of meal your marriage would be next time.

“Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.”    W. H. Auden

Well, here we are back at the food venue of life and marriage. That’s not a priority rating by the way, it’s just the way I wrote it at the time. Some will say it should have been written as … marriage and the food venue. It’s a good thing I like both and that I don’t have to choose or order them in my life!

There are many combinations in our complicated lives, but none so nerve racking as a successful marriage.

Can you imagine standing in line to describe your married life to the order taker person in the restaurant of life and they are asking if you want mustard or pickles or onions (whatever mustard, pickles or onions represent in this mythical restaurant). These may be the things needed to spice up or make you marriage more delectable, so be sure your tummy can handle it.

Of course there is the Super Size options and it comes with various drinks too.

So…is your marriage a single, double or triple stacker? Oh yeah and by the way…I am using burgers or some other beefy meaty description here but this most certainly also applies to and includes any of your fishy or foul marriages as well.

Heck, it even applies to the “shrooms’ and all the other veggies of a vegan affair.

When looking at the menu does the higher the number mean the better the marriage bargain of the day. Does the rank or rating on that billboard menu mean that is the position you are (pardon the pun) sandwiched in?

We haven’t even gotten into the healthy part of this scenario yet. Our immediate choice here seems to be whether or not we get what we want out of a marriage. To get what is going to fill us up and satisfy us for the meal hour of our lives.

If it’s breakfast, will it get us through the morning (the early years of marriage), lunch (the busy life and family years) through the afternoon or dinner, through the long evenings of our lives on the road to 30 plus years together.

Have you made up your mind yet…you’ve been staring at the menu board for quite a long time now and you need to make a decision…or maybe you’re you’re one of the gifted ones that can just cruise through the drive thru because you already know what you want. With or without the extras (the fries of life).

Buns appetite y’all.

-Lon-

The Good News Bad News Of A Marriage

I started this writing to share some of the fun things in my (our) 30 plus years together. I thought it would be kinda nice to begin each session with a quote about the subject in general yet at the same time, something that applies to people married for any length of time. You know, like finding a niche from which to share these tidbits.

“For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.”    Henry Louis Mencken

After all is said and done, there are lots of things that can make our lives so very wonderful…and then there’s the marriage part of a relationship that takes it one step further. What can be more wonderful than a wonderful life you ask, you would be surprised.

The surprise is not in the good news bad news scenarios that apply to a marriage, but rather that every scenario in a relationship has as they say…it’s moments.

Statistically speaking, healthy and happy relationships come from sharing and that includes of course sharing the good and the bad of any and everything that happens between the two of you.

You remember such a time when the proverbial stars must have been in the correct alignment because there was absolutely just nothing that could have gone wrong in the negative sense or nothing that could possibly have been better in the positive sense. Sure you do. I my case it was I was “asked” how I felt or what “I” wanted.

True, those times can be few and sometimes far between in a marriage, but it is for that very reason that some marriages thrive and seem to live forever. Friends, that is indeed good news!

Again with the statistics, people are living longer according to our Census Bureau, and that is partially due to relationships lasting longer. When people are calmer, happier and healthier…they tend to relax more. When they relax more, the share more…and when it comes to problems in a marriage…they simply are not there. In fact they seem to rarely exist, thus making for a successful time of peace together. No bad news here.

When commander Spock on the Starship Enterprise (the TV series Star Trek) said quite often, “live long and prosper”, he apparently meant it with extraordinary affection to whomever he spoke to.

A good marriage encourages sincerity. Sincerity encourages a good marriage.

-Lon-

 Waking Up Every Morning In A Different Marriage

I had a series of dreams this week that brought about some sobering questions about the state of being in my married life. Was I in a different marriage every day or do I just wake up every morning re-arranging the one I’m in? Then again, it very well could have been the double chili cheese dog during the game that night or way too much thinking about some deadline that needs to be done at work.

“One good husband is worth two good wives, for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued”    Benjamin Franklin

Just to make it sorta legal and keep me on track, you may have noticed or even read the quote about a marriage or married life like the one above. I put it there in that particular place to remind me of my writing. Sometimes it even applies to the writing and sometimes not…remember it’s a reminder to me to be diligent in the delivery of my thoughts.

Anyways…back to that dream and what is marriage.

They weren’t really bad dreams, just things that made me think back on the very state or status of marriage. Things like getting up and going to work every morning…am I doing it just because I’m married? Am I doing it because of the person I’m married to?

In my dreams there were a lot of why’s and they all seem to be centered on or came back to marriage. Maybe it’s the responsibility issue or as some might say the responsibility pressures in day to day situations.

Oddly enough though, there weren’t any pressing issues or out of the ordinary responsibilities going on in my married life. In fact there were a couple of mornings that I actually woke up with a smile on my face and being somewhat thankful for being in that 30 plus years of forever together.

So you ask…what’s this writing all about. Well, as the title alludes to…it was kind of pleasantly confusing that I would wake each morning with the question of why am I married. I mean what else would I be doing or specifically what would I be doing if I were not married.

I just thought it kind of grand to be in a marriage that has lasted this long and be a different person every day. When I wake each morning, it’s definitely a new day…therefore that makes me (you) a different person in a different situation everyday! Right?

Of course it does. Who would want to wake up every day being the same dull and boring person with certain predictions to live out over and over without making a difference in your marriage.

Perhaps now would be a good time to take stock in your successful married life and really share it with your spouse. Maybe even make note of the just how you really make it through each and every day… or just what is on your mind when you come to the restful part of the day that makes you toss and turn or sleep like a baby.

Think about it…and ….sweet dreams.

-Lon-

What Marriage Is And How To Survive The What Of It

Most everything these days in our hurried lives seems to be needed or done and defined or categorized in order to be justified. A good marriage fits that plan rather well too. You could even say it is the real “what” of that definition.

“The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults.” Peter de Vries

What, when, where, why and how. Remember those guys? The journalistic approach to getting and defining the facts of our pending newsworthy story was and is what we indeed were striving for.

Well, in my quest to define the various stages of a good marriage, we come across the main character of this questioning philosophy, the “what” in our 30 plus year journey to forever.

The What can mean a lot of things in a good marriage ranging from who pays for dinner when you invite another couple out for no particular reason to celebrate nothing in particular to who gets to park which vehicle in the overly crowded garage during the winter months.

Notice the combination…the what definition depended or depends on the who!

It all goes back of course to the grand old art of the communication phase of the relationship and just how well the creature comfort tasks are divided amongst you. You know…the old he said she said routine that ultimately became the he does what she says.

It all bodes well when the marriage is in good shape, but it’s the periods in between that makes the whys and how comes the subject of marriage problems. And remember this…it’s all very very fixable with just a few minor tweaks to our human behavior.

Those would be the good old healthy attitudes about oneself that define the what, who, when, where, how and why of wanting to have a successful married life in the first place.

The saying “hang in there baby” applies to more than just being a cute cuddly little kitty cat clinging to a tree branch or being a stressed out nine to five-er from the era of the 1970’s.

Healthy attitudes and personal sacrifices have to be made in the name of sanity for all concerned and a good marriage is about as sane as life gets on this little ‘ol sphere in space we call home.

When you stand up for yourself and count the what when where who how and why’s of your marriage, you will undoubtedly discover the the successful marriage that was surely meant to be.

-Lon-

Cow-Chip Throwing And Relevancy In A Good Marriage

Whether you are tossing around the old manure or just flinging the bull…in a good marriage…something is bound to grow. Of course that can be a good or a bad thing.

“It’s a womans business to get married as soon as posible, and a man’s to keep unmarried as long as he can”    George Bernard Shaw

What is marriage or in this case what is the agronomy of a good marriage that continues to grow. Just like a well placed or designed garden, you need a good catalyst or fertilizer properly administered to get those blooming good results.

The showpiece of a well groomed paradise doesn’t take a lot, but the fact is that you do need something to make certain things happen. In a marriage it’s no different for making the relationship thrive and grow to it’s full potential. After all, our end result is to bear much fruit…the good stuff that keeps on producing year after year. Much like our 30 plus years thus far.

Now, as far as the cow-chip throwing part goes, it’s like any good thing you do in the world of gardening…you gotta get down and into the heart of the matter with getting your hands into it.

Whoa there big fella you say. Are you saying get your hands into cow-chips? What’s going on here? How does this apply to what a marriage is?

Don’t let me lose you here.
Tossing or throwing cow-chips was a fun thing to do as kid in a part of the country that boasted a lot of dairies and dairy cows.
No, I was not raised on a farm and there is certainly nothing wrong with being a farmer and raising and milking dairy cows or any other cow that produces a nice flat chip for throwing. It’s precisely thinking like that that can cause problems in a marriage…but I digress.

Whether making mud pies after a spring rain or having crawdad (crayfish) races or tossing cow-chips… as a young inventor of playtime fun left to his own devices…let’s just say you find things to do to occupy your time and talents. And cow-chip throwing was just one of those things.
Ha!…now it’s a “sport” at county fairs and such and right up there with spittin’ watermelon seeds!
As they say…if you haven’t tried it…don’t knock it. The same with a good
marriage.

Whether you’re slinging the bull and doing all the bad stuff that gets you into total conflict all the time with your spouse or just having fun and playfully tossing cow-chips, it does take a special art or talent to handle the manure that comes into the marriage picture.

You take that same manure and spread it around your garden paradise and carefully plant what you want to grow, you will be very pleasantly surprised at the things that comprise you marital estate.

When you or anyone else looks upon your garden of a marriage and all the nurturing that you’ve put into it, you and they will see and understand the things that it took to grow it the way it was intended.

Now. About cow-chip tea. Don’t even get me started!

-Lon-

 A Good Marriage Is A Special Gift

There is a life of special gifts that come from having a successful marriage. What is marriage…a bond defined as one of strength, courage and purpose…the things that are the pillars of a foundation that will last forever.

“One of society’s biggest problems today is that we’ve allowed relationships to be accepted as impermanent, particularly marriage.” Unknown Source

These gifts are in plain sight for those that want to see and choose them. Nothing is hidden…nothing is kept from a willing mind and a joyful heart. In a good marriage you will discover years together on the road to forever together.

Marriage and problems don’t exist in a special and gifted relationship, and that is exactly what makes for a marriage full of success. After all, a love relationship is definitely based on fear.

There many who are shy and afraid of life itself let alone a good marriage…but not like a runaway kind of shyness and fear that is full of worry and doubt. Instead, it’s more of a fear that that keeps certain people from thoroughly enjoying themselves and the everyday little things in life as they should in a good marriage.

My first thought of course is that you and yours should stop and smell the proverbial roses…a good marriage is like when you see the rainbow in a sudden thunderstorm and get down to eye level and smile at and with a child.

A marriage is not just the goody goody rendition of happy times or that all is right with the world, but a tireless and selfless act of people committed to one another for a reason much more intense than any one person could ever imagine. Love is just one good reason, and there are many many many more!

That’s part of the discovery of what is a good marriage…the discovery act itself.

So, come lovely people, let’s get with the program. Even reading this blog is internet marketing at it’s best and having a good marriage is something you can log into at anytime.

What is marriage? Marriage is you being your best at doing what you do for your mate!
Live a little. You were charming once upon a time. Chicken-swave-and-deboner…(chic, suave and debonair)…what happened?

Not to worry. I have faith in you. You’ll do good and be as great as want to be and when I see yo next, you’ll have quite a story to share.

-Lon-

 A Good Marriage, Congress and The Unhappy Marriage Tip

The news headlines read…Congress hits budget snag again. Those guys really need to try some dating advice or married life when it comes to finance. There would be a budget and no snag!

“Three things drive a man outdoors; smoke, a leaking roof and a scolding wife.”     Proverb 

Once again the threat of a shutdown because of no money has the nation sitting on the edge of it’s seat…well at least for those weenie-
heads in Washington. If Congress practiced finances like they were married, there most certainly be no snag.

A successful and good marriage hinges on the very same actions of finance! Traveling that road to forever together as we have in the past 30 plus years, the minster of finance in our household rules with an iron deficit…better known as a tiny right hook. Read her lips…no more spending. Talk about your basic communication in marriage.

The tit for tat disputes about money between the House and the Senate has caused a face off that’s all too familiar to millions of people in this country. Especially for those that have a marriage and problems.

Deep partisan disputes has pushed and strained the ranks of our humble abode to the edge of a partial separation on more than one occasion in during the early years.

Of course I protested my cause for new toys and gadgets as unprecedented and unfair to require spending cuts to accompany my badly needed “gotta have one of those” for the man-cave. My secretary of the household treasury would often became especially unhappy at the prospect that another motorized do-dad would tap into our future cash flow programs.

The boys on Capitol Hill could learn a lesson or three from my lovely and her pen and calculator. Talk about your weapons of my financial mass destruction! Of course they are considered to be the tools of salvation in her hands…especially from me.

With government elections seemingly always on the horizon, both sides of the aisles are suggesting that voters will find it outrageous that one party in that marriage would not accept a certain amount in spending cuts. Ha! Imposing spending limits was just the first in many a step to bring about a successful married lifestyle in our financial market.

Congress would be wise to adopt the financial habits of whoever keeps the books in a good marriage. There would be many unhealthy marriage tips to discover that would lead the family and the nation back to and above the brink of success and stability.

Yes, there have been many threats of shutdowns and feuding in government and whether it is in the area of finances or just personal relationships, it takes both sides of the social and political chambers to come together to work things out. Yes, someone has to step up and take charge and the other one(s) need to get on board and offer and provide the most support possible to make a sound budget and many other concessions to discover and get a reliable vote on what is marriage.

Now that is a great marriage tip.
Kinda makes me wanna go run for office or something!

-Lon-

The Bucket List Of A Good Marriage

The term “bucket list” has permeated our lives and culture to such an extent that now there are many things a couple want to do to make their marriage a successful one. Makes for a good marriage.
These are things that relate to “living” a full and fruitful life in many many happy years together.

“Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.”    Oscar Wilde

A good marriage is not the end of life’s journey, so we do not need a bucket list to check things off before we completely check out!
Otherwise there really would be more problems in a marriage.

The bucket list of a good marriage is something to strive for. Things you would like to do together.

I have divided my marriage bucket list into three parts: things I would like to do, things I hope to do and things I must do.

I would like for us to jump out of a perfectly good airplane…yep, to skydive. Since we are both very much afraid of heights, I think it  would be quite fun and challenging. Instead of screaming at each other everday, might be kinda nice to scream together for once.

I would like to put on the marriage bucket list, to discover a place and a people on this planet that no one knows about. One of those
tropical times and places that time forgot… and you get to marvel at bringing it and them into an educated state of where we are today.

To see if the growth and corruption they go through the same as ours. You and I have many things we would like to do, but you and I
also know that we will not necessarily have our spirits crushed if they do not happen, After all, life does go on.

Back to the married bucket list. There are also things I know for a fact that we together hope to do. I would like to bring my whole
family together for great, perfect holiday or vacation. One that everyone can and does enjoy.

Finally, there are the things that we must do to have a good marriage.

All our wants and desires that we consider ‘musts’ are not so. Whether we get those physical things to make us happy or not, the sun
will still come up in the morning.

We need to live our married lives with the given ability to understand and separate those wants and desires from our hopes and musts in
order for our priorities to be placed in order.

When we share these truths with each other we need to make sure to tell each other that just living for the end is not the path we are
looking to follow. Our bucket list is designed for us to share more than a few experiences on the road to forever together.

So, when you look back at what is marriage…you have a secret smile.

-Lon-