Marriage, Married Life And The Mother Of All Apologies

What is right with the world? Well that seems to be the problem!
Let’s just back up a few years in this 30 plus year saga.
Marriage and married life is not a problem. The issue these days seems to be how it is being done. Apology accepted.

When I started this writing it was with the intent that I was going to apologize to my spouse as publicly as possible. There is absolutely nothing wrong with marriage, married life or mothers in general!

But if I had to make an apology (and I gladly do) to anyone, it would indeed be to my spouse for all the hours, days, weeks, months and years of not understanding her.
Let me clarify that just a little further.
More times than not, I have said that I hear and understand those feelings, conversations, ideas and not only what was being said, but actually what was meant in the delivery.
Well I did not. To put it mildly, I failed miserably!

We as male beings tend to end conversations we do not want to have by sometimes agreeing to and not really listening to and most certainly not understanding the why of what was said. Well…no more…

I hereby proclaim by all that is right on her behalf that I now do understand and offer to apologize on my behalf for not listening and understanding wholeheartedly.

If you are looking for specifics here…don’t.
First and foremost, there would be a guh-zillion. Not only would it not be fair to list any of those specifics, as you no doubt know, the most probable and damaging one’s would be left off the list …and we all know what that would lead to! No arguments here.

To be totally fair and honest though, at this particular point in time it would be best and a heck of a lot safer to start with day one of the courtship and pen every moment to paper all those atrocities of love and romance and simply call it the encyclopedia of the mother of all apologies…volume one.

A successful marriage is the epitome of understanding no matter the cause or course of he said she said. This is where your poor wretched and tortured soul begins to comprehend the effects of just how idiotic can one person be towards another.
No amount of apologizing can ever make up for the inconsiderate behaviors you have displayed during the course of the long term relationship.
After all, she is the one sustained and endured all my misgivings all these years.

The mother all apologies is just the beginning of this heartfelt process and I can only earnestly hope that she accepts it with the grace and dignity that I have come to know that she as a person has for me.

Nothing ventured…nothing gained.
I said I do then … and I meant it.
As married men, we have been saying I do ever since.
That makes the above statement now to read…Everything ventured…everything gained.

A Friend in Business and Life… Always,

-Lon-

Your Greatest Weakness Is Your Unguarded Strength

The success of a marriage depends on a great many sacrifices to be made on behalf of both parties involved. Some would even consider that it be a 50/50 equal proposition.

If you have been married for any length of time you know as well as the most educated of wise men that equality not only has nothing to do with a successful marriage as much as the fact that there is and always will be one in the union that bears the greatest weakness while the other shares an unguarded strength.

Married life was and is supposed to be one of the greatest selfless wonders of the world. The perfect harmony of a man and a woman to carry out the life long challenges of love and happiness have been written high in the stars and and as low as grains of sand on the beaches of the world for thousands of years, and yet it is not always a true conviction that it lasts.

Not even the smooth silky notes of the likes of an Al Green or a Barrack Obama singing “I’m so in love with you” could ever win over the many facets of such love as it has been intended.

A successful marriage comes about in the throes of man’s humanity to his fellow beings. Passion and compassion speaks volumes when people get involved with one another for the sake of that long sought after equality in a marriage.

Truth be told, it is indeed that the time that two people are forced to spend with one another is what brings out the worst in us just to get to the best in each other. 

Once the relationship becomes somewhat stable, all the other outside influences begin to take their toll on the maturity level of a man and a woman such that it will become the standard that defines their character towards one another. The overall relationship of trust becomes the underlying venue to for a long and lasting time together.

Love, marriage and finances become the measure by which love birds like me and mine hold each other accountable.
Words, money, people and things can become among the greatest detractors in a successful marriage (or any relationship) and can led to the loss of respect and honor between a man and a woman.

Words hurt and cannot be taken back once said.
Money has been the ruin of many a good man. Even the most sincere and caring people can confuse the issues surrounding their life and not meaning to, but do, add to their woes.
Things and possession, including other people, become your greatest weakness taking away from your unguarded strength.

You were not meant to be weak in your marriage and your married life. You were not meant to go through your life with you strength of character being left unguarded, to be attacked when you would least expect it.

Your are a person of principle and your principles matter in your marriage. Stay the course of your convictions and above all…be happy in all that you do.

A successful marriage depends on you because you depend on the success of your partner in life.

A friend in Business and Life, Always,

-Lon-

Paper Planes And Boats And Trains…

Paper planes and boats and trains … these are a few of my favorite things.
In an economy long past, these were the things that our dreams were made of.
They were the things that were to define our futures.
Very early in our marriage, these things were not even on the menu of life as we knew it. They were merely ideas of a romantic time in our history like so many others that we came to try to live by.

In a successful marriage, there has to be plans. Plans are the foundations upon which we not only build our hopes and dreams, but also the platform from which we launch those very dreams, hopes, wants and desires of life.
Married life represented (at that time) a stability that was captured in movies, TV and song. It was truly a great time to be a dreamer. But you and I know all to well that dreams don’t pay the bills!

Marriage, finances and money represents a totally different story in our world of reality today.
If you are fortunate enough to come up with a model paper plane, boat or train … you could very well possibly corner the market on new toys for children or great escapes for adults. In our new age of electronics it seems that everything that is new is really old…or at least based on an old idea.

The new fangled super heroes of the computer and internet age were born many years ago in the fertile minds of dreamers who lay in grassy fields staring up at clouds and wondering what the brave new world would become one day.
As in marriage and married life, there come an awakening that in order to carry out our innermost dreams, we have to first and foremost have a dream.

So much of our existence today is made up of literally living from paycheck to paycheck.
Life happens. And before you know it, you are caught in the ongoing seemingly never ending exhaustive strata of just making it from day to day. For a lot of people there is no time for dreaming of paper planes and boats and trains and other things. They simply have lost the will to dream or even worse have had the will forced or taken from them.

That is by no means a reason to give up hope. When we got married we had as much of the highest of ideas for a future of safety and comfort as any of you may have had or continue to have. It is just a matter of setting priorities.
I did not say it would be easy.
I am saying that all is not lost. It is just a matter of deciding what you really want out of your marriage.

If paper planes and boats and trains are in your future…you should be doing all you can to see that that happens for you and your spouse.
You started with a dream, why not finish the race with your prize clearly envisioned as having been won already. You deserve that much.

I have faith in you. You do have a song to sing…and the world needs to hear it!

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,

-Lon-

Are You Lacking Color In Your Life

I recently read in a comic strip from the newspaper where the cartoon character made a statement by asking a question…I am supposed to wear something green to school today, but the only blouses I have are apple, emerald and avocado.

Now that is a statement that defies all reason when it comes to not being able to see what’s right in front of you when it comes to the color in your life.

It was sorta like that in the early years of marriage when we were trying to decipher the realities of what marriage was all about. I mean, there were all of those objects that made up marriage floating around, decisions…choices to make. Things like love, affection, trust, security…all the things that were supposed to guarantee the happiness in your future life together.

Man…you were pretty quick to jump on that statement!

I know what you were thinking as soon as you read that. And yes, you are right.

There are no guarantees in life and at that time there were certainly no guarantees in marriage making my life any better than it already was. (with possibly the exception that it was definitely not going to make it any worse.)

If you have not discovered that there are colors of married life, you most assuredly do have something to look forward to. We all have certain colors that makes up our very being:

Reds that can exhibit anger and rage.

Blues for our many feelings and mood swings.

Yellows that should represents your sunshine.

White for the things we tend to think of as neutral, peaceful or that we surrender to…

See. You are not lacking color in your life. There is a myriad of colors to choose from. Pick a color any color, and invariably you can come up with something that defines you and your situation in a marriage.
In our opening sentence, green could very well relate to not just your clothing choices, but could be representative of the finances in your marriage and your life.

Join me right here from time to time and read about how we handle that subject if that is the situation your find yourself … and especially if you are not very content at being in that place.

There are those that see green in another light. Envy.
It is only natural in our human existence that we sometimes tend to want more, but there are those that go a lot deeper and to the far extremes of turning that green envy into more than just “…keeping up with the Joneses.”

Green, when it comes to money and finances in the marriage, can be a very somber color and somewhat lacking when you do not have enough of it to do the things you want (or think you want) to do. That old green eyed monster of jealousy can stare you down and have you seeing red before you know it.

My advice to you is to step back …and take a real good look at the actual colors in your life.
The words plethora and rainbow should be at the forefront of your thoughts as you live your married life.

There is a virtual and unending spectrum with an endless loop of colors from which to choose in defining your life and your marriage…see them all and choose wisely…take the time to enjoy life’s rainbow as it is intended to be seen.

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,

-Lon-

You want a piece of me! … Get in line!

You want a piece of me is a generic statement about attitude.In today’s lifestyle and economy, that statement comes with a pretty strong price tag attached to it. The market for smiles and deals has never been brighter with all the technology we have abounding around us. When it comes to a marriage and handling the ins and outs of attitudes, you had better work at being tech savvy just a little harder.

So if you want a piece of me…get in line.

It is not as bad as …”I owe I owe… so it’s off to work I go…” but then again there’s not a whole lot of singing going on to begin with.

Getting in on the action or getting a piece of what makes you happy can at times make for some strange and funny moods in people…especially married folks.

When me and my lovely decided to make a go of it, technology was not the issue. It was a matter of simply keeping it simple, one on one as it were.
Well that was fine in the beginning and things were trucking along pretty good and then came the point in time when you had to have seventeen forms of ID to prove who you were just to get in line to buy something with money you did not have to impress people you do not know.

Oh the vanity of it all. So you want a piece of me.
Everybody wants a piece of me. Heck, I would like to have a piece of me.
Sometimes I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
I try to maintain a positive attitude about the whole thing, but a marriage has responsibilities and a whole bunch of right and wrong things that happen in no particular order that can make a mess in your life.

You can’t always pick and choose what you want to do or how you would like things to turn out in your marriage especially the area of finances. The old adage of go to school…get a good education…get a good job and the rest will fall into place can cause anyone to have a different outlook on life and attitudes today.

Getting a piece of someone (or giving up pieces of yourself for whatever cause) can be done in a very positive manner with a full range of rewards to be gotten from that action. In the world of married life, it has been 30 plus years of give and take!
When you can stand face to face with your spouse and make the bold statement of …you want a piece of me…and not mean it in a threatening or offensive way…it’s pretty safe to say that you’ve got a pretty good handle on the attitude part of your marriage.

Standing toe to toe with the love of your life and saying you want a piece of me can only bring a smile to both your faces … and that is the attitude that you are going for.

Be it in your marriage, your finances or your life in general, you just might want to stand in front of that bathroom mirror, stick out your chest and proclaim to all within earshot…you want a piece of me!…get in line!

There is a lot of you to give and that is the attitude you should be walking through this life with…so go ahead, give the world a piece of you.

After all, you already make it a better place by just being in it!

-Lon-

Minutiae, Mired In The Moment

Just checking out the newspaper today and reading for fun, my horoscope which read: Usually in order to let something grow, you have to let it go. Minutiae, from the word minutia…just rolls off the tongue doesn’t it.

It went on to state that this is very true of a relationship now days. Especially when you do everything as a couple together and are staying mired in the minutiae of life certainly can have a stifling effect on that relationship and that you need to indeed give it some space.

Talk about being giddy. I don’t know if it’s from the word minutia, or from my long standing relationship with my spousal unit. Both can make the hairs stand up on the back of my neck when those exact little things do crop up in a conversation in your married life.

The small, the tiny, the things that most of us do not want to discuss or deal with is what makes minutiae happen when it comes to marriage and especially in marriage and finances. Just when you think you have a handle on stuff, lo and behold there’s a big puddle of minutia just waiting for my big fat feet to step into. Of course it has to take turns with me getting my feet out of my mouth a lot of the time!

But…I digress….

Oh yeah. Minutia…the little things that may or may not mean a lot to your relationship.

However in marriage, finances are never small and dull items. In fact it is very much one of those things that can divide and conquer in a relationship. So watch yourself. Be ever mindful of the things that aren’t often said as much as the ones that are barked in anger. Words can and do hurt when you least expect it.

So, letting things grow in your relationship takes a minutia of toil and trouble and if you do it with double double the effort (double double toil and trouble…yep the witches brew…), you could end up with some very exciting bubbles in your marriage. Like a positive cash flow when your business takes off and you realize that this is going to be the best thing to happen to you since you got married.

You don’t spend a lot of time (I hope) living your life by your horoscope when you could actually be out there living you life. Horoscopes are fun and I do get a chuckle from them from time to time like the one that started this blog post…minutia or minutiae…muh-new-shuh.

It’s a little thing I know, but hey…married life is no small feat (feet)! Get moving. You have things to do, places to go and people to see. That’s my horoscope for you.

Remember the promises you (and I) made to your lovely when you got married and how your life was going to be different from everyone you knew. You were going to set the world on it’s ear. It’s not too late…don’t get mired in the minutiae of life.

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,
-Lon-

Your Outlook Determines Your Outcome

You can probably relate more to the statement that your attitude determines your altitude. The more positive that you are, the higher you will propel yourself towards whatever goal that you are aspiring to attain. Therefore, it is quite simple to say that your outlook determines your outcome in life, business, marriage and finances.

Are you a positive person? I guess it really depends on what it is that you have to or need to be positive about right. Getting up in the morning to go to work and deal with a public or office personnel or even your boss can take some of that positivity right out of you before you even get started on the day. You may be one of the lucky few who have a job that you really like and those things don’t bother you and you look forward to being the effervescent positive person that you think you are.

Yep. I said it. It’s hammer time! (not really…that song just happens to e playing on the radio as I was writing this) But, getting back to reality…

Are you really that positive in your outlook? I only ask because if you are like most of us…it is all in your mind…it is all in your head.

Just like everything else that is based onyour outcome in life, our attitudes do determine our outlook on things. In marriage and finances for example, to have more seemingly is the glue that holds that union together.

That is great if in fact it is a unified action. Most often however, that is not the case. Usually there is an over-spender that leads to the other person having to be the under-spender, and you can imagine where that puts their attitude about life. And so the saga of married life begins a new chapter.

So if all that matters is truly in your mind and all those popular sayings come to fruition, then surely you can do and be all things that you conjure up in your head. Simply put…if you want to be healthy, eat right and exercise…if you want to learn a foreign language, make some foreign friends and live as they do…if you want to have a successful marriage, talk share and beware of your spouse! Not just that they exist (and most certainly not that they are here to serve you) but that they are a part of you. They are the outlook that determines your outcome. They are the attitude that defines your destiny.

Quite honestly though, if you have a hearty healthy attitude (whether it is in your mind or not) about your life your marriage or even your finances, you are in all probability much much better off than anyone who frowns all the time and scorns life instead of living it to the fullest. So I say feel what is in your heart and listen to your head and let your outlook determine your outcome. You just might like the person in your head that you picture yourself to be.

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,
-Lon-

The Wisdom Of Solomon And Failure As The Backdoor To Success

It has been said that failure is the backdoor to success. It has also been said that to be wise is to have the wisdom of Solomon. What’s wrong with this picture…what’s right with it?

Is it really two different things we are talking about there.

You do not have success in your marriage or your money and finances unless and until you have success in yourself.
It has been proclaimed (at that time) that Solomon was the wisest of men. Solomon had everything that his heart and mind could ever desire, yet it is also known that he was the saddest or unhappiest of men as well. This is not a Bible lesson on the story and life of Solomon…you can read about that and find out more about him and his prophecies in the good book for yourself.

What is interesting here is that as I go through life and have discovered on many an occasion that wisdom has it’s drawbacks. No no no…I am not saying that being married or being in a marriage or relationship is not a wise choice.

I am looking at the state my own smartness (or lack thereof) and looking back on the days of Solomon and wondering…if I had been given or somehow managed to acquire all the things that supposedly made me happy…would I truly be happy? Would you be happy had you had Solomon’s riches and wisdom? It’s not like you could just go out and buy the latest Smart Car or something.

A word of wisdom here…no man can be the same as that of another or even offer to possess the strength and abilities of the mind for another person. As for me and my house, we have discovered the quantum leap of faith that it takes in a marriage especially when it comes to money and finances. All kinds of good blessing can be bestowed or conferred physically upon a person, but that does not make them any wiser. In fact, there are those that have the world at their feet and they are still non the wiser!

Pearls of wisdom about marriage and money do not often come through the front door of your life, so it is easy to say that failure is the backdoor to success because more often than not we spend most of our time trying to make things work in our lives. We are forever hanging around the backdoor and missing out on not only those blessings in and around the front door of our lives because we do in fact like sitting on the stoop out back and brooding about life.

One thing you can say about Solomon is that he had a healthy appetite for life. Kinda ruined it in the marriage and relationship department, but definitely made up for it in the success and finance departments. But as you read about him and learn more, for all his wisdom, there was always something missing.

Being successful in life means more than things, acquisitions, numbers or collections…true. And yet without goals to strive for in life you assuredly have no worthwhile purpose.
It is the order, the priorities in your life your marriage, your finances that sets you apart and being the wiser (Bud) as to whether you open the front door to the rest of your life or you simply keep lurking in the shadows of failure being your backdoor to success.
Be the wise one.

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,
-Lon-

A Job Is Work, But A Marriage Is Heart Work

The alarm clock is buzzing or beeping signaling the beginning of another hard day of work at the office. However there are no alarm clocks in marriage! Every day is a heart day of work for a couple dedicated to the fulfillment of life’s goal…to be happy. It matters not the number of heart palpitations in a marriage, it is an all day every day event – 24/7.

The heart of a marriage is far more dependent on the nature of two souls in compatibility rather than any set of rules that have been printed and passed on from generation to generation. You know, as a matter of fact, it would probably benefit a married couple more so if those rules were printed for everyone to see, read and live by.

Wait a minute…those rules have been printed for well over two thousand years now in a book that is available to anyone who has a desire to know the truth about him or herself.

Heart failure and heart problems, a metaphor just like all the other ailments of a marriage can and do come about when it comes to things like money and finances. Some seem to think that a good job is the answer…when all that really does is in time cause an even further separation of the heart and passion that you started your life together with or for. You must separate the two and have yourself a real life!

They say that time heals all wounds. Well, continuing the metaphor, heart disease or heart failure in a struggling marriage because of finances can be a real downer to start a new relationship. Trust and security of a good job merely means that two people cannot cope with the truth that marriage is indeed heart work. Even harder than the hours you trade during a lifetime in selling your soul to the company store.

A good rate or heart rate to measure your personal satisfaction in your marriage comes when you can sit and talk out life’s little annoyances together and come to not just a conclusion, but and understanding, a heart to heart if you will, that you are your own boss of your own mutual company that can have some pretty high profits and returns on those same company benefits.

A heart full of compassion and general willingness to survive in a good marriage is really all that one can ask for in this day and time.

A good heart diagram for the mind would be that of outlining your roles and responsibilities not only for a very long future together, but paving the roadway for a path that will carry you to, over and across anything that presents itself as an obstacle to your happiness together.

When it comes to the heart of a marriage…”the most important thing about having goals is having one.” – Geoffrey F. Abert

A job is work and it can be very hard work, but a marriage is heart work and that is the hardest work of all. It can also be the most rewarding experience two people can share together. It is right up there with having children, not having money or finance problems in your everyday life, or eating ice cream on a hot summers day.

Spitting watermelon seeds also comes to mind…but that’s another story for another day…stay tuned.

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,

-Lon-

The Problem With Describing Other Peoples Problems

One of the main problems with trying to describe other peoples problems is that while you see it as a problem, you tend to stop short in the problem solving department.
We all do a great job in the diagnosis department. It is the analysis of that persons particular situation that we need to be more aware of and offer constructive advice if and when warranted.

By no means am I proffering my abilities as a certified counselor in solving anyone’s problems here but my own of course.

Problems, like life, marriage and finances, come in a variety shapes, sizes and depths. Just how far you want to get involved will depend on how much that person is going to allow you into their suffering and misery. Everyone who has a problem tends to want to man (or woman) up and fix it themselves. No one wants to admit having a problem in the first place and they certainly do want to be able to fix whatever their situation is by themselves, and that can lead to whole other set of problems.

Take for instance some of the purported relational problems in a marriage like nagging or arguing. In a recent TV NBC poll it was stated that there is good and bad nagging just like anything else in our relationships. I was however somewhat surprised that the unofficial survey stated that 68% of women versus 32% of men say that they do nag the other person. The problem is described as getting done what work needs to be done in and around the home or business, not necessarily in and around the relationship.

Positive reinforcement to whining has it merits in a marriage.
One of the things that frequently leads to arguments in a relationship is what some would call that incessant whining that a person does “to get their way”.
Just like there can be good and bad nagging, there can be bad and good whining. The positive spin would be like when you say to your mate; pretty please instead of…this is the fiftieth time I have asked you to do this.

In trying to describe another persons problems, you can often fall shot in failing to realize that the source of their problems is your lack of empathy in helping to solve their problem. It is not quite like your average math problem in doing your homework for your business or other finances. The problem here is that the person most likely will not ask or otherwise seek your help and assistance until forced to do so…and that just further adds to their perceived dilemma.

Also stated in that unofficial NBC TV poll were the figures that (on both sides for men and women) showed the primary causes of arguing, nagging and whining was 36% related to money, 30% related to sex…the rest was divided pretty evenly among other kinds of bickering as much as 2,455 times a year!

With a little help, we can certainly offer a few suggestions to help with those statistics.
First and foremost of course is that there is going to have to be better communications in the relationship which is closely followed by a whole lot of openness about the problem(s).

So basically, the problem with describing other peoples problems hinges on not just lip service, but a true and sincere desire to have a genuine interest in helping to resolve the problem before it gets too far out of hand and it gets further split into many more like problems.

Stay well my friend.

A Friend in Business…and Life…Always,
-Lon-