Unhappy Marriage Tips

The Mantra And The Successful Marriage

Feelings…the more you have, the more you share the more you get. It is the circle of life. OK, so it is not the mantra of the masses. It is however one that I believe in and can relate to.
It does present an option to deliver a belief that a happy and a successful marriage is something worth striving for. I know that that almost sounds as if a successful marriage is something that you have to work at to achieve. Well Duh!
True it is not a 9 to 5 factory job, and you should not have to treat it like work, but the fact of the matter is that aside from a little loving ingenuity, one does need to put forth some effort to have growth and success in the relationship.

Mantras are the sayings that people find and repeat to themselves on a daily basis so that it becomes a habit and you know that anything you practice consistently becomes a routine and that routine becomes the habit…one in which you need to become successful and without much notice or fanfare it sometimes appears like magic in the relationship. Find out more about successful habits when you join me at Legendary You.

A mantra is defined as a sound, a syllable, a word, or group of words that is considered capable of creating a transformation about or within you. That definition goes so far as to describe this transformation as being somewhat spiritual. It goes back in time and to a different culture and meanings that we will not be discussing here at this time. The point being that culture has given us a way of adding to our belief systems some good bad or indifferent terms and challenges to our supposed happiness in our married lives.

Chants, poems, riddles, rhymes…whatever it takes to get you through the day right. Simply pick a phrase you believe in and repeat it to yourself with feelings and you are good to go. You have a mantra.
You know if you were to do the same thing with real and actual words with feelings to your spouse while looking them in the eye on that daily basis, you might just be surprised as to how happy you can be and how extremely happy your spouse will be.

In a successful marriage it comes down to saying everyday, several times a day both to yourself and to your mate the things that positively identify your and their uniqueness. When you feel it deep inside, that abundance of love and security that surrounds you, you will not have to work at anything. Success can be as much of a surety in life as that of your successful marriage.

Here is one of my favorite sayings… “Mantras are energy which can be likened to fire. Fire can cook your lunch or burn down the forest.” – Unknown

Remember that in your daily life as well as your married life, words are powerful, but you have the power to pick and choose the very words that you speak to yourself to begin or conquer the success that you are looking for.

Interestingly, Mantras are sometimes mainly delivered into a mirror so that you can see yourself actually speaking the words and to make sure that you really believe what you are saying.
Imagine doing that face to face with and to the person you love.

Of course my absolute favorite mantra about having a successful marriage comes from me and my time at Legendary You: If the ocean were loving and I were a duck…I would dive to the bottom and never come up.

-Lon-

Extreme Situations Require Extreme Solutions

In our little venue toward looking at your life in a successful marriage, I hope this serves as just a reminder that this applies to each and every person you and I know for their state of well being and happiness. My thoughts on the subject are formed on the many years and many associations with my spouse as we have lived and loved through those years together.

I definitely do not want to leave any of you out in this little scenario of life. It is my sincere desire that you know that my feelings, joys, pains and loves apply to you and whatever situation you find yourself in and that you are indeed content. That situation may or may not be an extreme situation which requires an extreme solution.
You do not have to always be happy in life’s trials, I just want you to better understand that the choice you made in your relationship and where you are right now.

Yes, you made a choice. Without blame or finger pointing, you may have a lot of other descriptive terms to try and explain the current state of your being…nevertheless, it was or is your decision that indeed brought you to the place you are right now. You can find out how to cope with these and many other decisions by joining me at Legendary you.

Extreme situations require extreme solutions. This is a plan by which you and your married life take on some very deep and sometimes very expensive lessons in life.
First and foremost as a positive step to learning to deal with and have a successful marriage, you must change your thought processes…your way of thinking. You absolutely have to get rid of your “stinking thinking”. The negative thoughts that you have about you, your spouse and practically everyone you come in contact with. Not everyone is out to get you!

So many people miss out on so many joys not only in everyday life, but especially in the one’s concerning their relationships in married life. When you are constantly fighting a perceived battle for love or finances or personalities, you will become quite the loser in the eyes of your partner, your family and your friends. If this is the state you find yourself, then yes, this would be classified an extreme situation in need of an extreme solution.

But that is the point of my point. It does not have to be. Remember that you can attract more flies (flies being whatever the good things in your life and relationships that you desire) with honey than you can with vinegar. Be kind. Be sweet. Be sympathetic. Be loyal. Be true. Be a better you.

Rather than me (or anyone else) telling you that I have the answer to avoiding all the bumps in the road of a successful marriage and having you come across something that has not been explained, defined or at least served as a warning for you, I hope you see these writings as just a cursory look at what has kept my/our relationship in tact for 30 plus years.

Believe me now and hear me later that, extreme situations requiring extreme solutions can be some of the best and fun times a couple can have in a relationship. Remember, that that does not kill you serves to makes you stronger.
Take a look at some of the many other things you can learn about relationships when you join me at Legendary You. Shameless advertising, you betcha! I do not want you to miss out on any more that life has to offer and all the great sharing’s that you could be passing along to make others happy in your life and theirs.

-Lon-

Being The Best Of The Best As A Jack Stropper In A Successful Marriage

It is not out a sense of being cocky, high and mighty, holier than thou or any other descriptive term you can imagine or use to describe the success of your marriage, it is out of a sense loyalty or duty to the other person.

Make no mistake here. I am not at all saying that being duty bound is a one way street. Loyalty and honor are at the intersection of things that make married life a pleasure and a joy beyond all measure.

You as well as I and every other jack-stropper around these days knows for a fact that a happy wife makes for a happy life. If you did not know…well, consider yourself  forewarned.

What is a jack stropper you ask? Quite honestly it is a term used by my late father to describe a person that was either the very best at in whatever situation he found himself or the very worst (in a positive way) in the same situation. That is to say no matter the good fortune or the most dire of straits that his married life presents, he always has a smile to spread around to all concerned and make things even better. That is a guarantee for a successful marriage. You can find a few other guarantees like that when you look into our site at Legendary You.

Remember they old saying…”listen to me now and hear me later…” well, that is a pretty good summary of a jack stropper too.

Although I do not think there is such a word as jack stropper, I do believe it is a derivative of a combined word or term perhaps from jack strapper.

Jack of course meaning any and everyone, like the guy who is always late for something and is always missing out on the good stuff…Johnny come lately. And on the positive side of that little scenario is a hugely popular guy that is tall in stature, a fine strapping young man who owns the world.

Parents are a wonderful thing. When you were young and fortunate enough to have been included in grow-up conversations and they said things that somehow just stick with you and you really never give it a second thought about a words true meaning or where it came from. After all, from the love of a parent you were in awe and reverence of them and whatever they say must have been right…right?! But that is another topic for another time.

We do have some other great legendary tips for you at our web site. You are invited to stop by anytime to join in on the fun.

In a successful marriage the words and memories that you bring into the relationship as well as the ones you are going to create will be the ones that will ultimately define your happiness and lead you down the path of a happy life forever together.
Being the best of the best as a jack stropper in a successful marriage is much more than just an old made up term that demands by definition, that you make the most of your situation good, bad or indifferent and always come out on top in your relationship as the love of someone’s life.

-Lon-

One More Time For The Good Times

Trucking along through life and reflecting on my successful marriage and our relationship, I heard a song on the radio. There was a very popular line in the song that caught my attention this week and of course caused me to drift, to wander back to a time when. You know that space in time when you were at your best in everything you did…one more time for the good times.

The song was speaking of something entirely different from what caused my memory to have this immediate flashback. They were singing about someone somewhere was having troubles in life and their marriage and the point was that if they could only get together one more time to resolve some of the issues they were having and maybe things would be good for them once again. Join me at Legendary You sometimes and let’s sing together.

Well I was not necessarily thinking about challenges or issues that were affecting me at the moment…I was really remembering some of the things that brought a smile to my face. Really! Remember when you used to drive down the road and you would actually sing along with a song on the radio and if you were really lucky there would be a car passing you and they had their radio tuned in and were rocking out to a tune that made them happy. Or what about the thought if you both happened to be listening to the same song…that little wink or nod that you passed to each other that said all was right with the world.

Now days you would be lucky to see anyone driving down the road and mouthing a song as opposed to texting or being verbal into their phone. Whoa there big feller (and feline), I am not here bashing the use of phones and driving or even what people do in their vehicles as they travel up and down life’s highways.
Just making an observation in stating that people do not seem to be as happy driving and just “listening” to the radio as they used to be.

I guess that would be more along the lines of having to many other options to wile away their time because of all the bad or distracting times people seem to be having.

When it comes to having a successful marriage, you could find yourself likening your travel through the relationship highway to a time back when it was a simple affair that made you happy because things reminded you of the why you were in that relationship in the first place. Whether it was songs that you liked together or just watching other people do their thing and you compared it to your current situation.

One more time for the good times for me is about no limits…having no fear.
Remembering some of the things that bring about a flat out broad faced grin and even a light hearted chuckle concerning your spouse and your relationship then and now.
A successful marriage should be after all always about the joy you have in your heart for the person that makes you happy.

Party on Garth!

-Lon-

The Morning The Goat Came To breakfast

It was a beautiful and uncommonly bright, sunny and warm winter’s day for the occasion for which we were all assembled and amid the fun time reminiscing over a family member taken from this life much too soon, our morning meal turned somehow to the subject of the goat.

No, I don’t have a poignant tale to relay concerning our gathering, just an interesting observation about out little conclave of personalities. It has a lot to do with the makeup of families and of course that begins with successful relationships.

We have been relating here on the posts for the most part about love, truth, honesty and security in said relationships. To that end we tend to discover just how much of a family we really are when one of us falters in life whether it be in good, bad or in the sad times.
It is that coming together where we can cry and or laugh together and be as one with one another. Unfortunately it is far too often more the case that these gatherings come to be because of family losses. You can learn more about family at Legendary You.
There are not nearly enough of the old time family outings these days where the passions of self-preservation weigh in against the fires of those old back yard picnic and bar-b-ques.

The story of the goat that came to breakfast was formed in the minds of a pair of cousins, that like a lot of other siblings, are alike in that they laugh and enjoy life sometimes at the expense of those in the immediate area…this time around, we happened to be at the breakfast table. You have to understand that we had already been torturing each other and the rest of the family with barbs and jibs and jibes about everything from hair-dos to long lost items of jewelry and clothing found in a back closet during this down home visit. But, that is another story for another time. Back to the goat coming to breakfast.

The morning the goat came to breakfast was when the special person in my life played hostess to our immediate family by setting out a spread that consisted some usual and yet some customary items such as bread, jam, eggs, breakfast meat and various fruits…and right in the middle of that platter of goodies was a hunk of goat cheese with cranberries.
Most of the time you cannot mess up a meal like breakfast, I mean you can put leaves on the table and dress up a meal pretty good!

But, goat cheese and more importantly, goat cheese with cranberries.
This my friend is why we have had a successful marriage of 30 plus years…ours has not been a movie where life is like a box of chocolates! You just (well, almost) never know what you are going to get at our house for breakfast or any other meal for that matter. Come on, join me in sharing the in the fun. It has been said that the strength and character of a man lies in the adventures he is willing (or unwilling ) to be a part of.

For some families in some areas of the world, sure, the morning the goat came to breakfast caused more than a few eyebrows to be raised, but who knew that a creamy sweet spread of goat cheese and cranberries would further unite a family in a time of sadness and make it a more joyful occasion.

All of this was due in part to the legacy of a mother’s dearly departed son, a sister’s brother and my cousin whose infectious smile and demeanor is to be a forever a living testament to our family and the kinds of things that while we may make light of them, we are always among the willing to try something new.
Knowing my cousin the way I did, I can assuredly say that if we had broken out the goat cheese a while back, he would have been the first instigator of all the fun and joy we shared as a family unit that morning coming together to share and celebrate such a wonderful life.

In Loving Memory of Robert B. Roland, Jr.

Owning A Successful Marriage

Being married is like a pebble tossed into a peaceful pool. The effects of your decisions are like the ripples spreading out across the surface of the relationship. When you tossed the pebble of marriage, you became obligated to follow the ripples of married life as far as they would go and make your marriage a success.

Sometimes the results of the ripples in our lives cannot be reversed. As you go through you married life, you are quick to learn that grievous lesson. But to the extent that your marital relationship can be repaired, reparations made and reconciliations can be made joyful, owning and overcoming these ripples, this is where you discover that there are prerequisites. Just a few are named here, but many many more can be addressed in books and videos at Legendary You.

First you have to own up to that commitment. There has to be a changing of the mind(s), the ability to turn and go the opposite way – to do something totally different, meaning to stop giving cause to the strife and grief in your relationship.

A second thought in the process is to own your confession(s) of right and wrong in your marriage and to your spouse. Humble yourself and ask for forgiveness. True love knows no boundaries.

If your actions have caused a loss of trust, a third consideration would be to make whatever the situation right when and where you can. You need to restore the loss in confidence, love, trust, truth and security to best of your ability sevenfold.

And finally, you have to own the pebble. If you are going to cause ripples by tossing your greed and non-caring into the mix, then your purpose is to not be the person that causes more ripples. This is where you become gracefully responsible for yourself and your marriage.

Sometimes silence does indeed ring louder than mere words. Owning a successful marriage means that life is not just made up of monumental decisions. It is the “little” ones that happen all day everyday that make or break the relationship…or…ourselves.

If you want power in your marriage, you need to forget about what you need. You see, owning a successful marriage is about serving your spouse. Therefore, the person that needs to change is you!

To love unconditionally means that regardless of the successes or the failures of either spouse, the role of the relationship is determined by the mutual individual cooperation of the both of you. Hey, that’s deep even for me.

There is a cautionary item that must be delivered here. This is the true meaning of a successful marriage and a long lasting relationship:
Find someone to make you happy and you will have a happy marriage.
No one can make you happy.
For as you think you deserve to be – that person will fail you, because you are going to set them up for failure.
Find someone you would die for and you will find a deep joy in the marital relationship.

It is not your job to change your spouse – they are who they are – it is your job to serve them. It is not the other person that needs changing…it is you. Find out more at our site at Legendary You.

Owning a successful marriage, like any relationship can be complicated…but certainly not impossible. Just like tossing the stone across peaceful waters, there will be ripples.

-Lon-

Finger Pointing In A Successful Marriage

When you or someone you know pronounces judgment on a situation, it is usually done by pointing a finger to indicate guilt.

It is a tough balance to not be the one to point a finger in a successful marriage or in married life in general. There are those that want to tell us in the name of compassion, open-mindedness and in today’s social tolerance, we should never be mean to one another. We have more info on this topic and others at Legendary You.

As they say…the grass may appear to be greener on the other side of the fence…but you still have to mow it! That is to say, you still have to maintain or up-keep the relationship with due diligence, patience and sometimes hard work.

When it comes to finger pointing in a successful marriage, here are a few simple things you might want to jot down to help you remember the true intent of your relationship as you go down the road to happiness in a successful marriage. You don’t always have to be the one that is self-righteous, the one with a mean or critical spirit. Learn to share, to become as one as the mystics say. It is when you participate in and with one another that you discover some real true insights to the heart of your life partner.

Whatever you do, do not assume your opinions are always the correct and right ones. Remember how your mind works. Remember it can be very easy to criticize your spouse for the very same things that you tend to do out of an unintentional habit. That’s when you turn right around and point the finger at someone else…that just tricks you into feeling rather haughty and smug which leads to your being self-satisfied.

Do not be the one in the relationship to pronounce condemnation on the other person. You are not the high and all-mighty. You may be the king or queen of your castle, but there just might be an uprising stirring in the land that you so call rule with an iron hand. Remember, there is a time and a place for everything.

Do not blame the other person by pointing out their faults when you have just as many, if not more. At Legendary You you can find out more about where finger pointing usually begins in a relationship. Easier said than done…but it needs to be said…be the bigger person.

And of course, do not have what I like to call an unloving attitude towards your mate. It definitely take a strong measure of wisdom to maintain the balance between marital discernment and judgmental criticism.

When it comes to pointing fingers in a great and successful marriage just take heed to the story of how when it come to heating up quickly, you are to be the one to be slow to speak and of course slow to become angry. You most certainly do want to keep in mind that much of our irritation and criticism comes about because we don’t often all the time have all the facts and therefore we point a finger without respect to noticing how many fingers we have pointing back at us.

By the by, that also applies to those other little innuendos you toss out like clicking your tongue, forming opinions instantly and permanently, you are quick to jump to conclusions or where you begin your sentences with…”if you ask me…”

Nothing productive comes of finger pointing. In reality, finger pointing only points to the fault lines in our hearts.

Wishing you much greatness in your successful marriage,

-Lon-

The Great Faults of A Great Marriage

As long as we are just talking here and being blunt with one another, let me ask you a question. Have you noticed that there seems to be a part of our fallen human nature that we more and more tend to blame others for our actions?

In a successful marriage, a great or even a good one, we need to own up to who we are to make it last.

This observation is not about the faults that lead to a not so great marriage, but more about the life affirming thoughts and ideas that result from the caring for one another in our daily lives.

It becomes a real sad situation when too many people take a fault attitude toward the faults in their own lives. That is to say that if they have behavioral, emotional or even personality traits that can consistently and continually erupt in displays of what we see as negative energy to the point of hurting themselves and others, it always seems to come out to where they say something like ,,,”hey, that’s just me, that’s just the way I am.”

Instead of taking that personal responsibility for their faults in their life before or during marriage, they get into a situation to where they tend to blame everyone else or their environment or their education or even their social and economic standing…you know…everything and everybody but themselves. That my friend will not lead to a successful marriage.

Using something like the Greek word diabolos from which we get the term diabolical, is not justification for your behavior or attitude towards your spouse! Saying the devil made me do it will certainly bring down the relationship and bring about a ruin that you may not be able to overcome.

Faults or not, what we are striving for here is to not violate our will. We are looking for the will to have a successful married life. When we fall or seemingly fail in our marriage, blaming someone else is not the answer. We do not need a scapegoat to defend our actions. We simply need to ‘fess-up. That is the winning strategy for a Great and very Good successful marriage.

Here is what I would consider a wonderful tip for you, your spouse or someone you may know that may need a little help in the area of improving their relationship. Get into the habit of looking into the eyes of your loved one and confessing your heart to them. Not just make a promise to do or not to do something…but a heartfelt I am doing or not doing this for you…for us. Sincerity goes a long way towards bringing people closer together at the most appropriate time in the relationship.

Why is it that the most simple thing we tend to overlook turns out often times to be the hardest. A simple taking of responsibility for our actions does not come easy. But it most certainly can be fixed with a simple…I’m sorry…I was wrong…I love you…Please forgive me.

Stay well my friend. Until next we talk, remember, take it one day at a time…no fault, no blame.

 A friend in Business and Life…Always,

-Lon-

Begin With The End In Mind To A Successful Marriage

One of the most and probably well-known, key principles to getting things done in an effective manner is to have the vision of the desired outcome you want before you even start towards it. As successful marriage is very much like that.

Remember what I have described to you before, it is your but that erases everything that comes before it. The woulda-coulda and shoulda’s of married life that brings success to a screeching halt.

Your hopes, plans, dreams and desires are built on countless hours of self -visualizing the type of love and happiness you want to happen in your married life long before you begin the dutiful marriage process.

It is a team effort whereby there has to be a determination as to what would be one or some of the better solutions to have at your disposal in order to arrive at them before trying to solve the myriad of problems that lay in wait for you.

As this will be a lifetime affair, the same method rings true in the post era of married life.

Hours, years spent putting together a plan of action to come up with a creative masterpiece that was envisioned long before the I-Do’s were committed to.
Adding the content of character to love, honor, cherish and obey serves to further strengthen and solidify the union.

There are just a few rules that you need to keep in mind that will satisfy your courtship to no end. Just remember…
Give her/him more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
Marry the person that you will love to talk to…when you get older your conversational skills will be as important as ever.
Do not believe everything you hear.
Spend all you have and sleep all you want.
When you say “I’m sorry”, look your mate in the eye.
When you say “I love you”, mean it.
Be in love at first sight and forever.

Until next time,

-Lon-

Marriage and a New Year…When The 40 Days Are Up

Whether it is a successful marriage or a new diet plan or a wandering in the eternal desert of your social life, what happens when the 40 days are up?
Is that the end of your suffering …the end of your problems…the end of your stress, trials and tribulations?

By no means. You just take it a simple 40 days at a time.
After all, it is a new year and many days are forthcoming for you to make some changes in your marriage as a new life for the better.

This new thought was brought about by reading the newspaper today (yeah I know, pretty archaic in these digital times, but you never know about discovering those little gems or pearls of wisdom you may find when reading newspaper or magazine stories) and came across an article about losing a certain amount of weight in a certain amount of time.
Interestingly the amount of time to lose this weight was listed as 40 days.

That took me back in my thoughts to a certain person we all have know from those childhood stories in the Great Book, who spent 40 years on the back side of the wilderness in the desert having a little time to gather his thoughts, but to his and our utter amazement he found much more to his existence that saved not only his life but ended up saving the lives of many many millions more in the future to come.

But I digress…

In a successful marriage there are far many more than a certain 40 days that seem to plague people and their relationships.
Far be it from me to be a self proclaimed judge of you and your married life.
I am merely stating my story here to perhaps better help you understand and achieve a healthier attitude about that relationship. Sort of helping you clean up the state of obesity in your married life that has become just so much fat.

I would certainly hope that breaking down the healthy attitude of how to be a better person towards your mate in your special marital relationship certainly can be done in less than 40 days… but what happens when the 40 days are up?

I recently heard someone say “never assume or accept motionlessness for inactivity – crocodiles get most of their meals that way.”

If you find yourself becoming too idle in your marriage, sports, exercises or even your business or studies…just commit to take some time out to put together a plan of your own and choose a time best suited for your pace of accomplishment.

40 days, like the years that follow birthdays, is just a number. The 40 day is nothing magical or special, it is just a reference point, a starting gauge for you to spend some quality time and make yours a successful marriage.

We hope you have a wonderful year and that you find your 40 days of bliss. Peace be with you.

 Respectfully Submitted,

-Lon-