A Good Marriage Has Plenty of RPM’s

If you have a lot of thrust behind you, you can accomplish almost anything in life. In a successful marriage, the rpm’s that provide that thrust can sustain you in those very accomplishments.

“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seem too short.”
Andre` Maurois

RPM’s or Revolutions Per Minute, is a unit of force that causes work to be done. No great math or physics needed here. The more your turn, the faster you go, the more you can accomplish in your married life.

Now, I hope you are not just spinning around in circles (rpm’s) or turning to and fro in trying to get things done in your married life. Stronger and faster come into play when you are all geared up to do a project that involves the both of you. The more you are both going in the same direction at the same time and at the same speed, the better the outcome.

Your married life can be compared to just about any power tool you want to claim as your task-master.
Me…I am more of a belt sander type. Most people will say that they are a power drill or a circular or buzz saw. Then you have those dynamic types that live the life of a “Tim the Tool Man Taylor…” remember thatTV show Tool Time about a man and his tools whereby everything he touched in his married life was done with a certain flair and p-o-w-e-r! Lots of rpm’s.

That in itself can be a very positive driving force in a marriage. Not to go full bore all the time, but enough to get the job done.
The right tool for the right job. Working in concert to accomplish a task does take a certain combination of efforts to realize a dream…and our dream here is to have that successful marriage, that 30-plus years of being on the road to forever together.

I suppose this could go to the other extreme as well (remember, we do not dwell on negatives here). The other extreme being that of spinning out of control. Lots of rpm’s can be expended in that direction too. But I hope you stay on track with me here and remember our purpose, to enjoy your time being married and to live daily in the promise of a good marriage.

As I said in the beginning, if you have a lot of thrust behind you, well you can do and get done anything that you need to in your married life.

What is marriage? The fully functional and well oiled machine of a good marriage can provide the right amount of torque or force for you to get any job done in your relationship.

-Lon-

A Good Marriage, So Close And Yet So Far

For two people to be united as one, the distance between them can seem to be quite the cavern. Either distance is relative, or your relatives are distant, that is a good marriage.

“When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face.”
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

The “space” between married people can sometimes be a very good indicator of just how close they really are.

It is not always a physical distance between people that determines if they are indeed happy or not. My disclaimer here is that, the physical space can contribute to the overall well being of a healthy couple.

Now…I did not say anything about him having the garage and the outside of the house and she commands the inner sanctum of the home (it just happened that way!). A good marriage is the maker of that space.

You know us hunters and gatherers, we need our wide open spaces to collect ourselves, to find ourselves, to remind us of what normalcy used to be. So close and yet so far.

Ok…Ok…back to reality.

Some may argue the point that if all is well with married life or a successful marriage, there should never be the need for this ‘space’ I speak of, right?

Well, you see that is the point. When two people can and do agree on things around the home that ultimately leads to other general compensations in their otherwise very busy lives, those very things turn out for the better.

It’s not a specific space or mandated area that has to be looked into or asked for in order to satisfy the parties involved…it is more respect of each others time than anything.

A good marriage entails a lot of give and take as we all know…and we all also know that it is not always an even or 50/50 proposition.
A marriage is not fair nor is it designed to be an equal proposition.
At best, it is and shall be an ongoing venture that continually builds towards a desired end.
Now, is that desired end….equality in love, love and peace, or just plain and good old fashioned harmony in the relationship?

If you have to answer, then maybe you need to be married just a little longer. You may need a bit more time to come to the realization that it is all of the above and in no particular order.
If, however, you have already come to that gateway of reality…let me be the first to congratulate you on your wisdom!

So close and yet so far is more than just the spacing of the mind over matter in your married life. It is the very true essence of a good marriage.

Stay well and be happy my friend, Until the next time…

-Lon-

A Good Marriage Is Thus Far And No Farther

There is a line in an old hymn that states…we have come this far by faith. Such can easily be said of a good marriage and married life.

“The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.”    
        Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Sure we all know all about the trials and tribulations of a good marriage and that it can come with the perception of an extreme price. But, no more so than that of your first lemonade stand, a new puppy, a new born child or being born into a new family of in-laws! It’s all about responsibility.

Again, I am not making a comparison between your firsts.

A marriage is a series of ebbs and flows. High tides and low tides. Lazy winding rivers and heavy torrents of water surrounding beautiful waterfalls. Sometimes you can’t help but think about describing it as thus far and no farther.

You get right up to that brink in a relationship (and it seems like it’s every other week!) to where you can’t tell if you’re very thankful
for the many blessings that have come out it or you’re in the midst of gritting your teeth even harder and wondering how it’s lasted this long!

However you want to or need to look at it, a good marriage rivals many a stoic painting of a landscape that not only takes your breath away with it’s intricate beauty and detail, but captures the essence of your very thoughts in the process (you tend to get lost in remembering the good times).

We have come thus far and at times vow to go no farther. That’s just the emotions talking, but if you were to reflect
on it, you will find that factually, you have come a lot farther than if you had planned.

Married life is fickle that way.
It is by design that it will always be a new adventure and quite the learning experience, when you stick with it. 

One would naturally thing that when you have come thus far and it appears that you can go no farther, that is the end of the good times. Not hardly. That as they say…is just the beginning. When you get through whatever it is you are going through, that is the lesson. You got through it!

What is a good marriage and what makes it long and lasting is the lessons that are given for any and every situation between two
people, knowingly and most assuredly… unknowingly.

So, you see, to say something like… thus far and no farther …is really not giving married life a chance. 

A successful marriage is like two gi-normous doors to the castle of love that swing open and close on the two most
delicate of hinges.

There are many functions being carried out, but mainly it’s the support and alignment of those two small but
necessary parts that bear the weight of a long, successful and lasting good marriage.

-Lon-

Successful Marriages Take Mucho Time

Very often you may hear of a good marriage as being a mix of things that are good and …some that are very good. Kinda like the fixings that go into the making of a taco or fajita…mucho good!

“Marriage Isn’t A Word…It’s A Sentence.” Unknown Source

Food is always a good way to describe any thing, situation, idea, plan or desire in life. In married life it’s especially good because everyone gets to have some input to the making of a great marriage meal. that’s what a good marriage is!

First and foremost, let’s not even start with the blame game…the name calling…the should-da, would-da, and could-da’s! Those are the very things that can ruin any good time. And when you are preparing a festive meal and you leave out an ingredient that has been tested to make it turn out good…well that’s just  inviting disaster. Then you end up with a marriage and problems.

Second, it does not always have to be a disaster in the making. Mucho time, mucho patience and mucho care in the preparation makes for a successful marriage dish. Much…Much…Much…that’s what a good marriage is!

Third, the primary and best solution to any relationship dispute or challenge in life regardless of the length of time married, is by far… that of communication.

Let’s face it. Time is one our worst enemies. If you don’t take advantage of something as it happens, you can find yourself behind the eight-ball rather quickly.
Take the upper hand, you can create your own mucho-gusto state of being…the great all out charge in life should be to make any and everything turn out good in your married life.

I am sure you have heard that time heals all wounds…well the fact of the matter is that time is the test tempter of all that we regard as sacred.
Time holds the keys to the outcome of our most precious fates. They are often refered to as what we remember as fleeting moments.

You have no-doubt done it or even said it a million times in your married life…”if only I had enough time.”
That’s when your mucho “if” far out weighs your mucho “can do.” And that needs to be fixed right away.

Slap some peppers and onions or spicy ground beef with a good sauce wrapped in the warm flat bread of your marriage and man…that is really really mucho good!

There is in all probability no such proper term as mucho. But that is the essence of life and marriage in particular…it takes all kinds of things to make it work.
Sometimes you find that you need to just make-up words that only apply to you that can describe your feelings, emotions or situation.

This time around, my description of my successful marriage in mucho! It’s Grrrrreat.

-Lon-

An Unhappy Marriage Is Like Getting New Carpet

A marriage and married life comes in multi rolls (roles). Stacks and stacks of various materials, fibers, and textures –
just like looking through reams of carpet. And the best part is that you get to choose what makes you look and feel good.

“ Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” 
   Unknown Source

You want everything in your life to look good and make you feel good…right? So, how do you go about making that happen? Could it be as easy as going down to the local carpet store and seeing what looks good to you?

Easy questions to answer if you relate your married life to picking out carpet! What is a good marriage…

But of course we all know that married life is not like getting new carpet. Sure the similarities are staggering, and the choices of partners and how you plan to have a long and lasting life together can be just as staggering.

Depending on how you want to cover your path in a good marriage, you go for something quite durable, something thick and plush maybe to make you comfortable, something that can handle the rough traffic that will be coming in and out of your relationship.

I just had a thought. Have you heard that accusation in an argument…”you lie like a cheap rug!” What does that mean…well, a rug or carpet covers a certain area of how and where you live… and is usually pretty flat and can be in every one of your so-called marriage rooms. So much for dating advice eh!

Well, if there’s “lying” in your marriage, your magic marriage carpet will soon be wearing pretty thin and wont be able to provide sure footing much longer as you prepare to travel on that road to being together forever – and needs to be replaced.

There are many things that you will encounter in a good marriage that you will have to walk over so to speak to get you from one place to another in your relationship.

From time to time you will need to replace the carpet in your life.

When you go to wherever you plan to get this new carpet (usually deep within yourself), you usually get the sales pitch that goes with it. More times than not it is designed to find out about you and your habits, your traffic patterns if you will and what’s going to make you feel good.

As for your marriage, you are the carpet salesman and if you really want something that’s going to last…to be successful under foot…you are going to have to be the one to ask those probing questions.
The very questions from deep within yourself that you know a person has not even thought of, finding the truth about yourself to know if you are going to be satisfied with that life carpet. Realizing that it covers the foundation for you marriage.

Remember, that foundation may be dull and drab concrete but it looks pretty good when you cover it with a long lasting fine and durable carpet.

So, yeah…go get yourself some brand new thought patterns about your marriage.
Check out the many splendid things that can cover your foundation beautifully.
You can even call these thoughts … the new carpet of your successful married life.

-Lon-

Marriage Is Like Being Thrown Under The Bus…

Marriage is like a new phraseology. It is being tossed about today not unlike back in the days of old when the world needed an excuse to describe our current situation. That phrase is “being thrown under the bus.”

“It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.” Honore de Balzac

I personally think it’s kinda funny in that people are using the phrase -being thrown under the bus- to mean that one person is responsible for ruining the life, work or happiness of another or that of others around them.

I say funny, because it’s really just the opposite when it comes to what marriage is. Remember, here on this page, we are looking at some of my 30 plus years of on the road to forever together…so there are a lot of “funny” things that have happened in life to me!

Marriage is like being thrown under the bus brings to mind of how when you’re standing on the corner waiting for that bus to take you to the next stop in your life…that if your mate wanted to get rid of you….would he or she really consider throwing you under the bus that’s pulling up?

I know some of you are probably having flashbacks right now to conversations you may have had and the little light bulb comes on over your head (like in the cartoons or comic strips) …so that’s what they meant by that! The old for real Ah-Ha moment.
But I digress…

A good marriage or married life is built on trust in all facets of a persons personality including saving your mate from any pending doom in your relationship. Yep, you would do anything to protect the one you love.

No harm no foul, is another little bit of phraseology that plays a big part in marriage and married life. The intent of a good and long lasting marriage is to not be thrown under the bus of married life.

I definitely do not think that the use of this particular phrase is intended to have any adverse meaning to your success at being married.

It’s just that when I hear those particular words…being thrown under the bus…It brings to my mind the sacrifices that you have to or need to make in your marriage to make it work. You don’t sell your mate down the river…you don’t shut the door to their reality…you don’t leave them hanging.

Oh yeah…there are days when I’m sure my lovely has contemplated making her life a lot easier to live and enjoy in making her point about something I’ve done wrong by simply …throwing me under a bus!

I can’t help it…it always makes me wonder because she gets that weird quirky little smile that sometimes comes to her face when she has that far and away look in her eyes.

You know, maybe being thrown under the bus wouldn’t be so bad compared to what she’s actually thinking!

-Lon-

Successful Marriage…Ha! The First Three Letters Are Suc…Part 2

I said I had a couple or three things to tell you about my 30 plus years of being together. Well, as it turned out, there happened to be just a few more items to discuss… and that is where we will pick up this session. 

“Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you’ll have the truth about him.”
Henry Louis Mencken

For a successful marriage you need to focus on getting better at it instead just being good at it.

When you have the ability to try and reach the goals we discussed in part one of this post, you also need to believe you can get that ability.

Too many people believe that intelligence, personality and physical aptitudes in married life are fixed…that no matter
what we do, we just can’t improve the situation. And because of that, we tend to focus on goals that are all about
strutting our ego and proving something, rather than developing and acquiring some new skills.

In a strong and lasting marriage, when you embrace the fact that you can change allows you to make better choices
and reach your maximum potential.

Married people who share a common goal of getting better, instead of being good, tend to take marital difficulties in
stride can and do appreciate the travel down the road to forever together as a fantastic journey as much as the
reaching the destination.

All you really need to have a good marriage is a willingness to commit to some long term goals and persist in the face
of whatever adversity seems to come your way. Having an attitude that far out weighs your mental weakness for
problem solving goes a long way traveling the road to forever together!

If you feel you don’t have the stick-to-it-ness to prevail in your marriage, the good news is that there is something
you can do about it.

People who lack certain mental attitudes about what married life is supposed to be tend to believe that they just don’t
have those certain qualities of being in a successful marriage. 

If that describes you and the way you think…well, let me be the first to say it nicely to your face…you are wrong,
wrong, wrong!

As I said in part one of this post, planning, persistence and a little effort are some pretty good strategies to succeed in
married life.

All you need is will-power my friend. Will-power. 

To build will-power you just need to take on a challenge that requires you to do something you would truly rather not
do.

Give in to a crazy day of swatch shopping, clean out a closet that hasn’t seen the light of day in eons or just …hold
it….hold on…here it comes….just sit a talk!

Start with just one activity, chore or honey-do and make a plan for how you’re going to deal with any troubles when
they occur. Sure it will be hard in the beginning…most anything marriage related is, but it will and does get better.

Go ahead…ask me about my 30 plus years!
As the planning, effort and persistence continues to grow, so does the love and happiness. That’s when you can take on more of those marital challenges and step up your build to a successful marriage. 

To your success!

-Lon-

Successful Marriage…Ha! The First Three Letters Are Suc…Part 1

The success of a good marriage usually comes about because people do things just a tad differently. In the beginning…the goal or game plan in marriage is to be as successful as possible in all areas of that union. Then why is it that two people have such a time at making it work?

“The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.” Samuel Taylor Coleridge

A very good answer to the age old question of why doesn’t it work could be that even the brightest and most brilliant and caring of us are just pretty simply not really very good at understanding why we succeed or fail in married life.

Some would say we are born predisposed to certain talents and lacking in others and that is only a very small part of the pattern to a successful marriage. In other words…it’s not who you are that makes you successful but more often than not, it’s what you do.

Yep. What you do in your married life requires some definite changes in attitudes on both parts. Here are a couple or three (that means somewhere between 1 and 10) things that I hope will help you be the better you that will benefit the both of you.

Knowing what you want to achieve in your time together on the road to forever helps keep you motivated until you get there.

Think about some of the specific things you know you need to do to make your spouse not only happy, but respect you as the person the both of you know that you can be.

It takes more than just making promises to do better…to do better. Be specific.

Given how busy our lives have been since the beginning of married life, how many goals do you find yourself having to juggle just to get by?

Have you not only set, but acted upon these goals?

You would probably not be very surprised to find that you routinely miss out on a good many opportunities to act on those very daily intentions.

Simply put…seize the moment to act on those goals! Decide in advance when and where you will take an action…and do it.

Whether holding her hand or looking into his eyes, achieving any goal requires honest, regular and constant checking. It’s a progressive thing. If not done by the both of you…then it should at least be done by you by yourself.

If you don’t know how well you’re doing, how can you claim to be happy or make someone else happy?

Look into her eyes or hold his hand on a weekly or even daily basis if that is indeed a goal that have set to get better at.

You made the bid for an engagement to be married and ultimately got married, so why not continue to be proactive and positive in that goal of a successful relationship and have yourself of a successful marriage.

Be optimistic. Continually believe in your enormous ability to succeed in that goal.

Be helpful in creating and sustaining that motivation.

But, remember, whatever you do, don’t get lax, don’t underestimate the true difficulty in reaching your goal. After all most goals worth achieving are only done so over time. Just like marriage…it takes time!

Time, planning, effort and persistence…that’s what successful married life is all about.

I said I had a couple or three things to tell you about my 30 plus years of being together…well, I have about four more items to discuss and that will have to be done in our next session. Please come back for part 2 of this fancy feast and we’ll get to the bottom of how you can be very very successful in your married life too.

-Lon-

 Zipping Through Married Life Backwards 

Do you find yourself to be a person or one of those couples who continually think – things are always changing – like zipping through married life backwards. And what is really happening is that you do not or have not realized that those very thingshave actually already changed!

“Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.”Gilbert Keith Chesterton

Zipping implies a fast forward pace at anything you do. But when you tend to do it backwards, one has to wonder where all the good
times went!

Now, by zipping through married life backwards is by no means an easy task, yet people do it everyday. 

I don’t mean that you and your spouse travel down the road to forever together with blinders on or that you are always going your way in
a total opposite direction or path than everyone else. 

Zipping through life backwards to me means that you simply may not be taking the time to see or be a part of all that is happening in your
life. You could be missing out on so many things that could make your married life a whole lot better. 

Imagine if you and your life partner are as happy as clams in the warm sun drenched waters of a tropical beach with gentle waves lapping
over you, and you don’t see, feel or are not a part of the bright vivid colors of the island itself. The smells or orchids or roses, the sounds
the island orchestra of birds or the beautiful blue sky painted with just a wisp or streak of white clouds.

But, if you’re zipping through life backwards like a happy clam…oh my friend you could be living so much more! If you would take the
time to do jest even one thing with your spouse on a renewed regular basis, you could be so much more happy in your relationship with
the love of your life.

There have been some that say that a “date night” has made an immeasurable difference in their lives that it’s like going back to the very
beginning of the meaning of two people falling in love.

You know, it doesn’t have to be just in a married life situation. This kind of setting could very easily applied to many “firsts” in your life.
Of course the first significant person that brought love into your life, the mentor that gave you that Ah-Ha moment to stepping off into a
career or the wide-eyed look of innocence of a child who thinks you’re the smartest, greatest thing on this planet! (You have to remember
to keep in mind that their planet is slightly smaller than your real world, so they are entitled).

Take the blinders off my friend. Don’t continue to go zipping through married life backwards. There’s so much more to be a part of in your every day married life and you really do have control of your happiness. 

However, if you must zip…try it from a zip-line and experience the freedom of falling free!

-Lon-

Marriage, Stick To The Issues – Not The Emotion

In the glorious world of matrimony and to be on point, you need to stick to the issues and not the emotions that make a good marriage happen. It’s usually those very emotions that causes the rift that begins a long road to recovery.
You see…Those things we tend to call issues turn out to be the day to day routine items that keep us going. You know…the little things.

You know that saying that what does not serve to hinder you….serves to make you stronger…well those are the emotions that keep us
going. You have no doubt heard it stated in other words, but it is the same statement.

“The is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.”
    Martin Luther

Marriage and married life can lead to some pretty challenging subjects. Issues versus emotions would probably make a pretty good book or movie title! Have you ever noticed just how passionate people can be in the heat of the moment? Amazing!

But we all know that things in a book or on a movie screen are not always the way things really are in true and real life. After-all, my “issues” usually turn out to be her “emotions”.

Take for instance those times thus far in my 30 year quest of being on the road to forever together whereby I make one of those innocent
statements (that makes perfect sense to me), but causes a flood of tears or even worse one of those looks that can stop a charging bull
cold at 30 paces.

All I did was make a comment about all the trouble advertisers seem to be going thru to sell a pair of pants and the way those jeans
looked on that lady on the TV.

Who knew! What did I say?

Obviously I didn’t do my homework.

Married persons take note. Do not make anything remotely suggestive into a topic of trivial conversation that you do not intimately intend to share with your spouse.

I can without a doubt confirm, that those issues will be the issues that turn into emotions.

Matters not if it is a hammer and nails with him or shoes and a casserole with her…be afraid…be very very afraid. 

Stick to the issue not the emotion. You have been warned!

Say what you mean and most importantly mean what you say. Words in marriage are the strongest bonds that keep you together.

Until next time my friend…

-Lon-